Bad Dream, or Ghost of Winter Future?

First off, it is Friday and I posted the next "chapter" of the Fox Tale on DeviantArt:

If this is the firs one you are reading, by all means please stop and read the first one first, then proceed in order.

Part One: → Fox at First Sight ←
Part Two: → Foxy Lady ←
Part Three: → Still a Fox ←
And the new one:

Part Four: → Fellowship of the Fox ←

So I had this weird dream a few days ago.  In the dream, I had promised this /girl/ the year before that I would marry her.  Everyone was supporting me on this, but I had never met the girl before making the promise, or since.  The dream took place on the day of the wedding - mostly at the church where my TUX was being tailored.  Her friends made up the wedding party but a couple of them were friends of mine - sort of like distant cousins or something - as well.  I tried to convince everyone that this was a mistake because, well for one thing, I am a girl, and another was that we really did not even know each other.  Everyone was telling me that everything was taken care of and that I did not need to worry about anything.  I kind of had the impression that I was making some sort of sacrifice my doing this, but it was not obvious in the dream.  Her father was really, really, really rich, but I was not doing it for the money.  And I knew the girl, despite having grown up really rich, was not being spoiled or just used to getting her way with things, but rather it had this sense of this being the first thing she really wanted and was finally getting it. (I ought to mention that despite this being a wedding, there was nothing sexual about this at all.  There was not any plan to physically consummate the wedding or anything like that.)

One of the prevailing emotions of the dream was one of being out of control.  Imaging like being in a car accident, and in the emergency room at the hospital and lots of people were fussing over you and assuring you that everything was okay - truth or not - and that you did not need to worry about anything.  Actually, come to think of it, it was a lot like that... something (not car accident) I have been through enough for it to have played though in my dream.  And I always associate Hospitals with things for all people, rich and poor, but run by really rich people - kind of like the father of the bride in the dream.

Goodness, I think I just figured out the dream - I was just reliving a trip to the ER.  I mean, there was rush and fuss to get me there.  Once there, I was being "tailor" dressed.  It was probably a lady Dr that I was not familiar with - there was that time when... and there was that... yeah, I remember now - and the hospital was her "dad."  It really does fit in my head anyway.

Okay, well, Anyhoo;

Take Care

Elqueue

I should probably avoid television

I think that I should probably avoid television all together.

This morning my dream was something like this. I was going to a cooking class. Okay, not a big deal. It was taking place at this one general merchandise store that I am familiar with. That too was comfortable and familiar. It was like the 5th or 6th class and it seemed like there were one or two more. It was not that important to me at the time, you know? Just another class. So, we were over in this one corner of the store, all partitioned off with fixtures - those store shelves that they have, you know the ones.
I was well and truly the youngest person in the class - most were in their 20's or 30's, but I was the only one under 23. Not sure why I knew that, but I did. On this day, I brought my chefs jacket. I have one, white with black at the seams/trim and my name on it and everything - Elqueue. There was some trepidation about wearing it though - afraid the instructor would find it pretentious. See, the instructor was (the) Chef Ramsay. Today (this class) however was "cake" day and so he was handing off the class to another chef - or baker, rather. He took one look at me in my jacket, tugged his strait like he does, said, "Right, and so I leave you with (baker's name - I didn't catch it - John or something.) Good luck with your... cakes," and did that little nod that he does like he is withholding comment.

It was really weird, him looking at me, seeming to have some kind of comment in mind, but holding it back. I have no idea what he was thinking. There was another student with a chef's jacket that for whatever reason had not worn before today, but when he saw the way Chef looked at me, just left it off.

That was where I woke up... having sleep-walked into the kitchen.

There are any number of cliche notions on possible interpretations, but... it was just... weird.

Take care, and "happy St Patty's day."
LQ

Sunday Morning Bad Dream

At some point during the night, I dreamed that I murdered one of my neighbors. Not the first time that I dreamed something like that, but hey, this time was different.

I dreamed that I was /going/ to do it, then that I /had/ done it, but I did not dream the part where I actually hacked him to pieces with an ax. What the dream seemed to center on most was that there was so much evidence against me, there was so much investigation around me, but there was like absolutely no memory of me doing it, nor any motive for me to have done it. Claire knew I did it, but was like, supporting me. I did not want Mom to find out that I had done it. Dad was fairly indifferent to him being dead, but did not think that I did it, or at least was supporting my claim of innocence. (Although I do not remember dreaming that I ever said one way or another that I did it.)

So, I was sure that I had done it. From the circumstances, so was Claire, but she was answering questions to say that I had not. Dad, unlike Claire, seemed to be just presuming my innocence. If he actually thought otherwise, he never said.

So, I would wake up in a panic, worried about the step in the investigation, wander about the house until I fell asleep again, then dream the next part of the investigation, and so on.

I am typing this out now, if for nothing else, to convince myself that it was just a dream. Today is just the day after yesterday. Yesterday, no one was investigating me for murder. The dream spanned several days, so there is not enough time in the before until now for this to have actually have happened.

So - surely it is a dream.

Unless they find my neighbor hacked to pieces with an ax and the whole dream was just my fears for the days to come.

I hope. I mean, surely, it was just a dream. I will feel better after I see the guy out and about.

Take care.

LQ

Saturday Morning's Weird Dream

So... Saturday morning I had a weird dream and I was not going to post it because the principle emotion was frustration and I do not care so much for that.

Here is what I remember from the dream:
I was on this reality tv show contest thing akin to Face Off - but also like that Stan Lee Next Superhero one. I was supposed to create a character. I had two, but I realized later that this was not a good thing - it only meant that I could not decide.

The first one, as I was trying to explain in the dream, was dark - charcoal grey and the suit was somewhere between batman, cat woman, and princess from gatchaman. I was trying to explain the character in the dream, but everything just came up short - like I was not getting anything finished because I could not pick something and stick with it. In short, the character was not well defined.

The second was the polar opposite (mostly) being near white, ethereal, gossamer-esque, even though the costume pattern was mostly similar to the dark one.

Same issue with underdevelopment as with the first.

I think in the dream they had names, but I could not remember them when I woke up. It was just so weird, with this feeling of "I don't even deserve to be here and I am letting everyone down." But more than that depressed feeling was the frustration that I /knew/ and /understood/ these characters better than I could actually explain. I could not adequately explain them to the judges, or even to myself.

So, I was not going to post about this dream, but I had another emotionally disturbing one this morning and so I decided to post them - to maybe get them out there so I can move on.

Startled Awake

Well that was ... interesting.

I woke frightened as all get-out, pulse racing, sweaty as anything and I had kicked off all my covers.
I was freeeeeeeezzzziiiinnnngggg.

I put on a pot of coffee, took a hot shower, drank some coffee, was still cold.

So, I am sitting here, all bundled up like the sun had gone out, with the laptop warming my lap (or am I supercooling my laptop?) trying to remember what I was dreaming about.

Like a roller coaster or suspense thriller, I have the emotional impression that I would have really liked the dream. Pity.

So, I have been using LMDE64 for a while now and have one issue... power management. It would seem that it does not seem to really like waking up from being suspended if I had a number of tab open in chromium.

Because suspending and waking seems to be fine when I only have e-mail open, or something like that, I am suspicious of chrome behaving badly when all its threads get tucked away. Twice, once on each of two computers, this did happen.

Now, I know what you windows users out there are thinking; "Only one 'lock up' per machine in over two weeks? Wow!"

No offence.

But yeah. I mean, Chrome is not Debian's responsibility, nor is it Mint's, but hey, it seems to be a condition that I have witnessed. And two occurrences is not enough to definitively call it a bug, but I am keeping an eye on it.

Take Care-
LQ

It's Friday + a dream

Well, part of a dream - but I'll get to that later.
First:
Yeah, there have been updates to LMDE (Linux Mint Debian Edition) and so, and all the groovy updates promised. The big one I am waiting for is the 64bit release.
I mean, am I wrong or will this require a new iso? Everything else, yeah, great, I can get through updates. Well, not exactly everything. They said they made improvements to the installer, so I need to run the installer if I want to check them out.

So I am waiting (kinda) patiently for the new 64bit iso of LMDE. But I will be all excited when it is out - probably blog all about it and stuff.

Second:
As some of you are well aware, my - er, Dad's - house plays holiday host for the holidays. People were over for Thanksgiving, and typically we get everyone again for Christmas-New Years. Yup, that's right, a week+ of "house guests."
Every time, I work hard to make sure the house is ready for everyone. Then Mum comes and re-does it all - like it was her house. So, "Why do I do it, knowing this?" you may ask. I just have to. If for no other reason than when Mum comes and moved things, there are not those "clean" spots where things were, you know? Everything is clean before she touches it. Then I have to re-clean after they go to, uh, get "them" off things.
I am doing something different this year. I am completely rearranging the house full stop. Totally mixed up the chi or whatever. Couch - over there. Radio - there. Book case - (unloaded) over there (reloaded). Etc, etc. Even the kitchen is all rearranged.

The point of all this? To change things so radically that Mum will actually _notice_ that I am taking care of it. This is still a work in progress, so we'll see how it goes. It may backfire on me and drive me nuts. Oh, and for the record, yeah, I even am doing the bedrooms.

And, third:
Before I get to the actual "dream" part of this, you gotta know the setup.
In the past, I have had (bad) dreams about waking up next to Dad in bed and (bad) dreams about waking up next to him in bed that felt so real that I ran screaming into his room waking him up with a hockey stick. Being a bit of a sleep walker, I have actually woken up in Dad's bed, being... uh... poked in the back of the leg by him*. That was a fright and he ended up getting kicked in the face before things settled down.
[edit: I should clarify that he was /sleeping/ when this happened, eh? Not his /fault/.]
Also, Amy shares my bed when everyone is over for the holidays. So, I am not completely unaccustomed to waking with someone else in bed. Now, on to the dream:

In the dream, I was dreaming about everyone being here for the holidays and having Amy around. Then, in the dream, I dreamed I woke up rather peacefully, just stretching in the sun-warmed sheets, face down and feeling the still-fresh linen against my skin. I was quickly and calmly aware of the weight of someone next to me, my skin against their smooth skin. I could feel the rhythm of their breathing and it was comforting. I kept my eyes closed against the persistent, bright sumer sun. I felt the curves of their - of her body and knew she was on her back; slight curve of breast against the my ribs. My skin felt cool against her warm body, soft and tender. I smiled from the comfort of it all as I finished my stretch then rolled to my side, away from my bedmate to look at her face. The scent was so familiar I could picture the form before me before I opened my eyes and found...
Claire.
That startled me awake for real. I should have known it was a dream from the light. There was too much light. Sunrise it not until like almost eleven. I had been expecting (in my dream) for it to have been Amy, so familiar and comfortable. I really believed my dream was real and Amy was next to me. I just knew it. Then to open my eyes and find Claire - I was instantly bombarded with new, Claire scents and rhythms. And that /light/. It was on the other side of Claire from me (well, no, it was all around such that the only things I could see were myself, the bed (and beddings) and Claire) and the light wrapped around her so tightly that I could only see her face - my mind filling in the rest of her from memory, vague and incomplete. At least she was smiling at me.

That was yesterday morning - Thursday. It kinda occupied my thoughts, leaving me lost to this distraction most of the day.
You know when you have an "off" day, right? And you can tell things are just not going the way they normally do. So, at fencing, I am off my game. Completely distracted. One guy who doesn't really beat me... doesn't really get touches on a normal day... beats me - twice - and starts talking to his buds about how much better he is because now he is better than me. He had extra toast with breakfast, and now he is better than me, so he is going to have extra toast before tournaments. He put on his right shoe first this time, so he is better than me and will now always put on his right shoe first. Some such nonsense.
On the other hand, the other, the really good fencers, are actually /more/ annoying. "Hey, there were a couple of opportunities in there you missed, thank goodness." Or, "Oh, my, I thought you were going to get me there... You normally get me with those." Etc, etc. Yeah, they could tell I was off my game, but they were trying to /help/. Even Coach started trying, but my mind just was not in it. I tried meditating, but oddly, it did not help.

Sheehs.

So, this is probably a fairly frustrating post for some of you. It touches on Linux, Family, Dreams, Fencing... if I... Oh, I think I will...

Here are the first fifteen tracks in my current playlist:
[0/2680] Lily Allen - Everything's Just Wonderful (03:29)
[1/6901] Book Of Love - I Touch Roses (Long Stemmed Version) (05:46)
[2/6891] Book Of Love - Late Show (03:38)
[3/3300] KT Tunstall - Hold On (02:58)
[4/3209] Katharine McPhee - Over It (03:35)
[5/3294] 32+-+KT+Tunstall+-+Hold+On.mp3 (02:47)
[6/6946] Everything But The Girl - Letting Love Go (04:46)
[7/6939] Everything But The Girl - Driving (04:00)
[8/4235] Yaz - And On (03:12)
[9/5702] Garbage - Wicked Ways (03:44)
[10/5660] Garbage - Cup Of Coffee (04:31)
[11/3221] Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl (03:00)
[12/3299] KT Tunstall - Funnyman (02:56)
[13/6902] Book Of Love - Boy (Extended Mix) (04:29)
[14/3121] Gabriella Cilmi - Einstein (03:40)

Oh, Mercy... somethings in that list should be omitted. :blush:

I just finished reading The Ghost and the Goth by Stacey Kade. It was a good and light teen candy book. I have these "Candy Books" that I read from time to time. Most are Teen, or YA books, but they are fun without having a lot of weight, you know? Why I Let My Hair Grow Out, The first HP book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, In the Stone Circle, the first Twilight book (Uh, I guess that would be Twilight) and about anything by Meg Cabbot. I mean, there are other "light reading" books I have and like and whatnot. The Pern Series, some Piers Anthony, Dresden Files, Girl Vs Evil and whatnot. But these are not like my "deep reading" like Time Travelers Wife, or Never Let Me Go, etc.

Okay... lots of topics to post for one day. Have fun...

LQ

This dream threw me

Hi, and welcome to another What the Dickens Was I Dreaming post.

It is not uncommon for me to dream about being in the hospital. It is not uncommon for me to dream about fencing.

These two things do not typically overlap.

So, here it goes...

I was dreaming I was in the hospital and I could not go fencing until I was out. Well that makes sense. But there was this... new wing/tower of the hospital that /I/ was responsible for. It was like, I was the "project manager" for it, because it was kinda for me. AIDS treatment and research in general, but I could not leave until it was done... and then, only for, like, short trips or whatever because I was going to be staying there. Sad, I know.
So, it was kinda weird and lonely wandering about in this place, all like 90% done. It /looked/ like it was /going/ to be real nice looking, but just, incomplete.

There was stuff in this one area that the construction people had for like their break-room sort of thing and I had food there too and stuff, but I was never hungry. I would just go and look at everything. Water, beer, juice, sandwiches-all-wrapped-in-cling-film.

This is going to seem, after my other dreams I posted, like I am some weird sort of exhibitionist, but I was nekkid. Starkers. That was why I could not leave until everything was complete because I was not going to be complete until it was too. Parts of me were missing - mostly on my left (I am right handed, so it was not /as/ big a deal to be missing part of my left arm, and my left ear and eye, and just kinda... stuff. I was not really focussed on it, but I /knew/ I was not done in places. And my feet were cold.

So, fellow fencers were like, when are you going to come back? And all I could really say was that it was going to be a while longer.

So they came to the hospital to fence in the open, incomplete spaces. Some of my old students were there to take classes from me and stuff too, but they were the same age that they were when I was teaching. I remember making a mental note of that in my dream - that their ages were wrong and that it probably meant something significant.

The dream ended unresolved. Before it had dissolved, we (fencers and some other friends of mine) were down in the parking garage. They got undressed too and we were making a game of trying to not be seen. Kind of a bizarre hide-n-go-peek.

Well, there you have it. Another weird dream, brought to you by... well, by me.

Take Care-
LQ

Thanksgiving Aftermath

So, everyone is is gone and it is just Dad and I in the house again.

Yesterday was a kind of /accelerated/ and or condensed version of my weekly cleaning schedule to get the house back to normal after 5 house guests for like 4 days.

It was not that bad, really. The biggest part is the psychological cleansing from the house, you know? Like, Amy used /that/ glass before she left. She put her toothbrush in the left slot on the holdie-thingie. When Amy put that book back on the shelf, it was positioned just /so/ and I have to line it up to get Amy out of the house even after she went home the day before.

I know what some of you are thinking and yes, I washed Amy's and my towels separately from everyone else's, but this phenomenon is not exclusive to to Amy. With sex happening in the spare room and a toddler running around (that is unrelated to the sex that was going on - I promise) there are plenty of other things that were just... out of order.

(Aunt) Joan: "Here, I'm just going to wash our bedding before we leave."
Me: "No, it's okay. I'll get it."
Joan: "Oh, you don't have too. I can take care of it."
Me: "Really. Please just leave it. It will be fine."
Joan: "Oh, I just want to, you know, not be more of a burden than..."
Me: "Yeah, I know there is your residue de amore. I won't look. It's fine. I promise."
Joan: "Well..."
Me: "If you wash it, I'll just wash it again later. You may as well leave it."

At lease I was smiling. Hopefully not too much. That's why I do not care for plastic facades - I am always afraid they may be transparent.

And I looked. Sue me. I had to pre-treat after all.

Oh, but that is not what this post was going to be about...

Today is the last day of the month. According to my stats, this is my top month so far. I kinda thought last June was going to hold the record for a while 'cause it was kind up there a bit and just a few days ago, November was still quite a ways away.

So, thanks for all the visits!

But I must confess - I have mixed emotions.... with some of the /personal/ stuff I post here, it kinda creeps me out that so many people are looking at it, but then, I am posting it on the interwebz, so... of course it is getting looked at. I suppose what I am saying here is that it /is/ on the interwebz, so if it was /not/ getting read, that would be weird, or a bummer, or something.

On the other hand, I realize that I post my techie stuff, fun stuff, and personal stuff on the same blog. Different audiences. Would be better if it was divided up. Maybe that will be a 2011 thing.

Oh, and I dreamed last night that Claire kissed me and I was really happy about it. It felt /SO/ real. I could feel her chapped lips. (Not like, gross chapped... just a little rough. Texture that made it feel so /real/.) So, not I am _so_ confused about how I feel about it.

The logical side of me is telling me that this was my brain's way telling me that I think Claire is accepting of my relationship(?) with Amy. Not that there is really a "relationship" but that she is cool with whatever it is that we do have.

Oh, but it was tender and /HOT/. -which is going to be a subject of meditation on its own because, pretty as she is, Claire does not turn me on. Well, no one does, but that is another story.

Okay -
So -
Thanks for good November stats!
Take Care!
LQ

I even have Doctors in my dreams!

I woke up a few minutes ago from a _weird_ dream segment that I want to get down before- well here it is, and yes, I am sure it is all bout the frustrations I was having with work.

I was at the Dr's and it was like an operating room / gym locker room. At times, I was on the table, but at other times I was walking around. Well not much walking around, kinda on my feet, over in the corner.

The Dr was always really nice-talking and gentle. Not like, used-car-salesman/serpent-with-fruit-nice-talk but a genuine, comforting tone and disposition. He explained the whole procedure, then each step as he was going through it. It was only the two of us there. I was not scared and I knew that everything was... well... proper.

So, there were these things, as he explained, that he was going to attach to each of my organs so that then, when it was their turn, they would come out really easily.

The first one to go was my right kidney and I was amazed at the relief once it was out. I just hurt so much less - it felt good to have it out, but that was a small comfort, all things considered. I was already nekked, so I did.

Then I would "take a break" and get up and walk around as described earlier.

Then my left kidney and while I was standing after that one, I really needed to pee. He said to just let it go there in the corner where I was and that it would probably be the last time I would need to worry about that.

Then liver, spleen and pancreas, right lung - all in the same fashion.

He said he was saving my ovaries for last because he did not want me to feel like I was missing them. I thought it was nice at the time.

Then he was like, "Anything you want to say, now is your chance. I'm about to remove your other lung."

I just shook my head.

Then he said, "I'm just going to go ahead and take your heart now so your part will be over."

He did and showed it to me with a smile. I smiled back and fell asleep - which was when I woke up feeling no more love for Doctors than before I went to sleep.

So, now I am wrapped up really tight in my blanket and I keep looking of my shoulder.

And before you ask:
- Yes, I have read "Never Let Me Go"
- Yes, I know they are making it to film.

I had not actually thought about that until I was typing this blog though.

Well, hopefully my day will be better. (Although the sensation of being free from pain was nice.)

I think I need some hot apple cider - it is nine below (twenty-three below for my oh-so-many metric readers)

Take Care-
LQ

Another Dream, while I'm at it.

Okay, this one is really short, eh?

Again, fencing related.

I have a vague impression of the ride _to_ fencing, but more as a sense that what was going on _while_ I was fencing had been going on for a long time and was adding to the frustration.
So, there I am, on strip, _trying_ to fence, one opponent after the next. And we are fencing, but there are people that keep talking to me. I don't have my mask on. It is like, I am about to lunge, and someone - anyone - next to me, beside the strip, asks me a question. Like, what I want for dinner; did I hear about this or that from the news; have I done such and such... I really do not even remember all the questions and comments. I just wanted to scream "shut up!"
It was not just any one person talking to me. They were not strangers in my dream, but looking back, I do not recognize any of them. I was _really_ frustrated and getting a headache. The not having my mask on is bothering me a lot. I mean, that is the best part of fencing; getting to wear my mask. I keep it clean and smelling nice... like LQ sweat. Kidding. It smells minty. My glove on the other hand...

So, was it impacting my performance? You bet. Was I getting lots of touches against? You bet. Was I getting some touches for? Yes.

It was kinda weird and did not last real long. The my dream phone started ringing and I was in that B-29. I actually got to find the phone. That is kinda different. I rarely get to answer it. I pick it up and am about to say "hello" and the bomb doors open and down I go. Yeah, it got worse from there, but this part is typical and not interesting... as such.

So, Take Care-
LQ

Nekked Fencing

So, I had this kinda weird fencing dream last night. It is incomplete the way many dreams are, but here it is.

The setup - Here is what I just knew in the dream - not learned from events in the dream:

I was at a fencing tournament with some other people from my club. The Men's/mixed even was nearing completion and I was fencing in the Women's event that followed. It was not at our club, but one we had been to plenty, although awake, I have no recollection of a place like this. I just knew it was not our salle and that, in the dream, it was not completely unfamiliar.

Claire (who does not fence, but is like my best friend) was there standing beside me while we watched the current bout. One of my club-mates was in the bout and it was a DE bout going into the third period. My friend was leading something like 11 to 9 at the early part of my dream. If he won, he was going to have to fence his brother who was standing just a little in front and to the right of me off the back of the opponent's side of the strip. (so he was kinda facing his brother.)

Claire was standing to my left and slightly behind. For those of you who track relative positions differently, the bout was north/north-east of me, putting the brother east/north-east of me, and Claire was west/south west of me. And, for those who feel this is important, the predominant colour tone was white and I was loosing background detail to like a white light glare. It was not painful, but just there like the brightness was turned up and the saturation was down. Maybe. It was just kinda whitewashed.

Now we are getting to the more weird part. I was thinking about the feel of the heavy fencing jacket moving over over my skin because I did not have it on yet. I was not wearing my underarm protector, chest protector tee-shirt... nothing. No shoes nor socks either. The only - only thing I had on were my un-zipped fencing pants. I kept my arms folded over my chest for my own sense of modesty and discomfort, not because anyone else though anything of me being mostly nekked. I felt very vulnerable with out my full kit on, and mask, on the strip with my epee. I was rather anxious to get started fencing. Even just a warm-up bout. Anything just to get covered up.

I had to pee. I was hoping to see the end of the bout, but the pressure was more urgent. So, I headed off to the stalls. I could almost say stables. I was very aware of the feel of my fencing pants on my bare skin underneath, and of the white tiles of the floor under my bare feet, and of the feel under my left hand left of the heavily painted (white) wood of the sides of the stall. The other side - like, the other stall (to the north west, for those who care) was still the tile, but covered in hay/straw. There were no animals there, but, it was like there normally were. It was all clean, just... stable-esque.

I woke up before I sat down in my dream... and wondered down the hall to my real bathroom.

Uh, there you have it. If you have a question about it, feel free to ask. There may be a detail left out.

Take care-
LQ

Nothing to see here

I was thinking, "you know?"  I often ask myself if I know without asking what I know.  But I went on. "I have had a bit on my mind.  I should probably probably blog it."

So I came here and saw that there were almost 40 page visits yesterday.  I was like "Whoa."

See, when I, like, post something that I am actually trying to get out there in the ethernets, AND I, like, tweet about it - Something like when I post more fiction on my Deviant Art (Yeah, that is it over on the right.  Hold down [CTRL] when you click on it so it will be sure to open in a new tab so you don't loose you place here.) - then I get a fair number of hits.

But it was like, a Tuesday.  I had not even made a new post.  But I had a fair number of hits on last Friday's page.  Weird.

So, why was I coming here to post?  What was I going to blog about?  It hardly seems relevant now.
[More like, you can't remember what it was.]
{Oh hush.  I remember, just not at the moment.}
[Uh, huh.  Sure.]
{Oh! Yeah.}

So, it is like, what, 4 in the morning now.  I tried sleeping.  Really, I did.
So, what do I do when I cannot sleep through the nightmares?  Most often, I try to grab hold of them, pick them apart, and that usually helps me move on or whatever.

Tonight, like many lately, they have been too.... intangible.  Just, like, random images of fire, death, decay and emotions of loss, hopelessness, fear, hate and a sense of pain and disease.

On nights like this, once I finally give up trying to sleep, I get up and do some yoga and try to meditate.  Let me rephrase that; I do meditate, but with varying degrees of success. Not that meditating is a win-loose endeavor, but I think that you get the picture.

So, I have Irish oats that I started yesterday that should be ready today (well, I hope so, because I am about to go have some when I am done with this post) and get some started for tomorrow.

It is times like this where I am permitted run of the kitchen-
[so long as you do not use any knives]
{so long as I do not use any knives}
-where I have gotten "creative" and kinda taught myself a thing or two about cooking.

In other blogs, I have talked about being in the kitchen and cooking being a group project. And that is all good and stuff.  I learned how to use the kitchen and the tools therein.  But to really experiment, you need to be alone, cooking for no one but yourself - free to make mistakes.

It is like a lot of things - free to make mistakes.  That is how we grow and learn and improve and master our world.

Somewhere else (yesterday, I think) I posted somewhere something about how the Earth is alive and she is strong and resilient, but that we need to clean her up.  Our Mum needs a makeover.  As a human race, we have been running wild.  We have been living the nightmares, battling with ourselves.  We-
[Oh, no.  You are not about to get all soap-boxy, are you?]
{Yes. Yes I am.}
We, need to give up the fighting; do a bit of yoga and meditation; get in the kitchen and put what we have to work for us.
We have learned so much over the millennia (milleniums? Whatever) and it is high time we put it to work for us.
No one is going to take care of the planet for us.  No one is going to come and clean our house.  No one is going to pick up after us.

Oh, yeah... that was bad.  Sorry.  I try not to get that way.  Hopefully I got it out of my system and will not need to go off like that again.  Ever.
Oh, well.

There were some other things I was thinking about discussing here, but they will wait for another post.

Um, then, well.... Have a good Wednesday.
[Say hump-day.]
{What? No.}
[Go on.  The rest of the week is down hill.  Say it.]
{No, I'm not going to do that.  People will think I mean... No.  Just (ew) no.}
[Spoilsport.]
{Whatever. I am going to ignore you.}

Take Care.
LQ

Yet another odd dream

There are my typical nightmares and then there are the weird ones that seem to come from out of nowhere.

It was dark in mood and aesthetic.  I was looking at these boots, slender and old, but not really old.  They were like... Victorian, but present.  I didn't feel a need to look up and the wearer - there was only one person it could be: my mum, but not as I know her today.  In retrospect, I would say that I was like, back in an older time, but it all felt contemporary at the time. 

The boots, on their feet, worked by their legs, were operating a sewing machine - one of those foot-powered ones.  The boots were black.  They had a very skinny heal.  They were skinny themselves and they were done up in the back with these tiny little buttons.  The buttons were fascinating me.  I followed them up until they disappeared beneath layers of crinoline. 

I wanted to count the buttons, but I did not know how to count above about 4 or 5.  I mean, I could look at them and see that there were more than the 4 or 5 that I could count to.  So, I was, like, "there are many."

I asked Mum what she was making.  Somewhere during her answer, I looked up her.  I think I was sitting on the floor... maybe on a cushion or something.  I did not come up anywhere near as high as the table.  I don't think that, in the dream I had any notion of age.  Things just "were."  So, having looked up at my mum in the dream, I got a look at her dark brown, curly hair all pinned up.  This is not *my* mum... but it was my dream-self's mum.  Thinking about the mum in my dream, she could not have been more than twenty years old.  She was a happy person, but was sad at them moment, despite the smile she wore.  In the dream I could tell she felt tired, drained.  The oil lamp on the sewing table cast a warm glow that did not seem to extend beyond the two of us, but I had a vague sense of the book case against the wall, the unlit lamps on either side, the open doorway that was behind her, the snow outside the window behind me, the seat to my left that other people - people who were not me - people like Mum and Dad and people that came to visit them - sat in.  Its colour was warm and it was soft to the touch.  I liked running my hand over the soft, fuzzy fabric after someone got up out of it because then it felt warm like it looked.

These were things that I just *knew* there in the dream.  Fixtures that always were, and always would be.  I knew no sense of change.

She said, "I am making the dress we will bury you in."

That's when I woke up.

LQ

This morning's dream.

Dream:
This was, so, like... well... unhappy-making.
I am reading Pirate Latitude.  That is not part of the dream, I really am.
So, as some know, I already have this thing about water - a phobia, if you will.

Well, so, I dreamed I was aboard the Cassandra (If you have not read the book, sorry.  This will not spoil anything about the book.) but not like part of the crew or anything.  I was just there, but no one could see/hear me.  It got worse.  The dream was not really like the book, except for the setting (pirates, Caribbean) and some names. Thanks to a storm, we were damaged and just floating,  lost all the sails.  The rations were tight and no one seemed to know I was there and I could not get any food or water.  This went on and I found that I could not open any doors or anything - like I was a ghost and my hands passed through - but I could not just _walk_ through.  I was trapped on deck, in the sun and heat with no food or water.  I could not stand any more and way laying on the deck and the ship (it had been taking on water since the storm) started to go down.  The crew abandoned and I was impotently calling for help.  I could not move any more and it was like I was stuck to the deck. they were all gone and I was completely alone as the water started to come over the sides.  I was laying there for hours with the water slowly creeping up my sides and occasional waves washing over my sunburned face, salt stinging my cracked skin.  Then I was choking for breath and the waves were too frequently washing over my nose and mouth.  That seemed to go on for hours before I woke up.

I do not know if I will be able to finish the book now.  :(

Ugh.  Oh, well.  But I will try again later.

Take Care-
LQ

Dream rePost: 07-JAN-2008

From 11-JAN-2009:

I had a weird dream last night.

I dreamed I rode my bike to WHEN my mom was my age. There was something I wanted from a friend of hers. The thing is, the town she was in in my dream was all wrong. Cleburne, TX. I googled it. I had no idea there was such a creature. Anywho, I cot stuck there because of an "ice storm"(?) which was really weird. It was like a layer of ice so thin over everything that you wouldn't think there was anything there unless you paid attention. (Slicker than anything. I fell on my tuchas twice.)
So, while stuck there, I was staying with "my friend" (aka, Mom) and at this one part, she and her friends were talking about an up-coming basket ball game. I was a little lost and she was like, Don't you go to Cleburne [implied "High School"]?
A friend of hers was on to me, I think, and was like helping to cover for me and named a nearby school (I didn't catch the name) saying I went there.
Later in the dream, we were looking through the family shrine with Great-grandpa's WWII stuff. During this part of the dream, it felt more like Alaska. (He was stationed here) But then Mom was like confused about why I should be so interested in her family. It kinda started to spiral from there.
There was a war memorial parade in town, but is looked like the square in Fairbanks.
Just weird. There were thinks I expected to find comforting, but they were making me feel guilty.

(Two nights ago's dream was real bad though. If I never have that dream again, it will be just fine.)

Dream rePost: 07-DEC-2008

Another: 

Sorry everyone... another weird dream.

I was in a movie. (this is the dream) Not like I was an actor making a movie, the movie had come to life. It was weird, but yeah. So John Lithgow was this scientist (I think it was type casting) and he had this big biotech breakthrough but the government was not listening to him and he couldn't get funding/approvals/clearance and stuff. So, there were actors playing all the would-be real life roles and whatnot, but I cannot remember most of them... like I have seen them on like tv and whatnot, but I cannot think of what shows or who they are and stuff. Except Fred Dalton Thompson was secretary of state and a young Woody Allen was John Lithgow's chief advisor.
Here was the weird part again. I was their driver! I am terrified of driving. But so I was with them everywhere and listened to everything everyone was saying and I kinda got to believe in the guy adn what he was saying.

Then it got grey and fuzzy and went back to the same old nuclear holocaust and everyone burning and me waking up screaming and I couldn't remember much of the first part of the dream.

I mean, except for me driving, I think it is not much of a stretch for why I would have dreams about biotech field breakthroughs, but driving? Why does it have to be driving.

Sigh

Take care, all.

Dream rePost: 06-OCT-2008

Okay, this was was older than the one I just posted my a month.  I had this dram the morning of 06-OCT-2008.

Last nights dream was so flippin weird. I'm in the shower, right, and I hear the phone ringing. So I open the curtain and I am in this attic like room. I start to get distracted with figuring out when this room was added, and the phone rings again. I don't know where in the house I am, and I need to get to the phone. There is this badger walking in the direction the of the ringing, so I follow. We are in a corridor and there are like spiders running back and forth, up and down the way. There are open rooms on either side. There are windows, but they, like everything else, are grimy and dark, blocking the light. It's hot. The phone rings again and I'm following the badger again, careful not to step on the spiders. We pass a room with a moose. It winks at me. I wave. This seems a little... odd.
The phone rings again. I am like sure I need to get it. Like I can tell from the ring that it is an emergency. The badger starts going down these stairs, so I follow, thinking "of course... we don't have an upstairs, so why would there be a phone up here?"
So we get to this landing that is like 3 steps from the floor, but there is this like sliding glass door. It's closed and I can't get it open. I can hear the phone and it is getting hotter. I'm like all in a panic and stuff and I realize the upstairs was on fire. I start banging on the glass door, trying to break it. The fire sweeps down the stairs I am trapped and well...

So I wake up wondering what happened to the moose.
Take care, and, as always, thanks!

Dream rePost: 06-NOV-2008

This was a dream that I originally posted on 06NOV2008.  I am not really sure _why_ I have decided to re-post these dreams here, but I have, and I plan on putting new ones here too, as appropriate.

I had this really weird dream. There were a ton of bizarre elements. First, I was driving. This was odd because it is something that I have never done before. The car was this big old Cutlass and I was really intimidated by driving - like it always looks so simple to see everyone else do it, but like I wasn't straightening the wheel soon enough or smoothly enough so it was all like jerky. Then, I was dropping from the "bypass" level to the "access" level which is ground level, and you have to go to "hover" to change levels. Well, I got nervous and gave it too much break too soon and the big heavy car drops like 20 ft to the ground. The car still worked after that, but th ehover was broken. The hover drive was working, but the actuator was broken. The actuator broke at the PCB so I could not just fix it because it's like a 3 layer sandwich. The arm is needed control the driver board that energizes the nano-lattice actuator rods that engage the hover drive. The nano-lattice is like a scissor-arm action bundle of molecules that, by way of a polarization, make a metal rod (in this case, two) extend by like 400%.
So I go to the plaza to buy a new PCB to repair the driver module. Then I go to the library because I have time to kill. Car forgotten in that way that things go in dreams, I see Colin Powell go by in a powered wheelchair with his nurse by his side (he was way older than he is now). He was making an appearance there in the plaza so I went out to hear him talk and stuff.
It was really weird. I had like long hair and stuff too (shoulder length). The colors were weird. Odd shades of blue, green and pink here are there - somewhere between sherbert and pastel. I jotted down the key points, but the in between strange attractors are fading.

But it was not a bad dream. There were frustrations and stress, but no where near being eaten by wolves or burning in an attic, or... etc, etc...

Hope you are good.
Take care.

Clearing one bad dream to make room for the next

So...
Freaky weird bad dream (nothing new there) and I thought I would clear my head to make room for the next.
I don't really remember it well - the bulk of it - just running, being chased and whatnot. There was like, the sun low on the horizon, and a field of like wheat or grain or something. This was really unfamiliar to me. I was running with someone else, like we were both being chased. I remember not being afraid, but the other girl running... the sun was shining through the wheat, and through her hair and they were like the same colour. That stands out in my mind. Oh, and the look of absolute terror on her face.

Sometimes I really wish I could draw so I could capture some of these images.

If prophetic

If my dreams are prophetic, which I hope to mercy they are not, I must
be due for another change up in my meds.
I really do not like that. It messes with my head.
Ugh.

But, oh, well, eh?

So, yeah, in the dream, they had decided to try me out on a new
product. Or was that 'try out a new product on me' - whatever, the
product was not so much experimental on its own, just the
giving-it-to-me part. So, then my friend who drove me to the
pharmacy, while I am waiting on the pharmacist, says in this distant
and lonely voice, "Okay, I am going to get... [whatever - it was at a
store down the road. We were supposed to go there together because I
needed things there too]" and she aged like 50 years right there. I
mean, like she was still pretty and still looked like herself and it
wasn't scary; just lonely and sad.

I woke up. I was on Dad's bathroom counter. I wend back to bed and
tried to sleep for a while.

Anywho,
Take Care-
LQ