Friday, December 17, 2010

I'm a Friday with a Cause

Real story time.
You know how you get those e-mails, tweets, whatever and you can just _tell_ from the wording, the careful omition of details, that prodding to get you to read further and get sucked into the story where either they want you to forward the e-mail to everyone you know, or send money, or upload you banking information. Oh, you know the ones I mean.
This is one. Kinda.
What: Love146
Why: because I believe in the cause.

So, here is the story, okay?
While I was reading Stieg Larsson's Millennium Trilogy (The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played With Fire, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest), and there were all those stats about crimes against women and the sex-trafficking, it was really hard. A lot about the series was very hard to get through because of the personal connections.

I get asked just about every time I try to explain how, at 17, I have had HIV for going on eleven years. It happens, sure, but people want to know how it happened to /me/ and why I do not agree that I was raped.

To say that I was, I feel, diminishes what it is that happens to too many people, too many times every single day.
I am trying to keep the vocabulary here my own, and family friendly, so if something seems vague, keep the subject in mind and understand that I am talking about the absolute worst, inhuman, atrocities.

I was in the ER once, getting stitched up (don't worry about why) and I was listening to the conversation on the other side of the curtain on my right. Anything to take myself away from where and who I was. It was a girl that was raped. The cause of death was bleeding. Front and back. The girl's mother was not there. She was being sought by the police. /IF/ there was any DNA from the actor, they were going to have to go in and get it in autopsy. A nurse vomited. The person stitching me up asked if I was going to be okay for a second and I nodded. While attention was on the cleanup and the half fainted nurse, I got up and walked over to peek around the curtain.
The girl could not have been more than 3 years old. Her mother "rented" her out to pay for her drugs.
The next thing I remember, I woke up in restraints "for my protection" but that did not sit well with me either. I would not let anyone with external reproductive organs anywhere near me.

Later, I took a tour and visited all sorts of children that were there for all sorts of reasons. The nurse taking me around was reluctant to provide full disclosure, but I told her, "I just say a baby stabbed to death with a p'nis. You going to tell me this is worse." She looked at me in that you-have-no-idea sort of way and said, after a sigh, "Imagine when they live." We kinda bonded a little and she was less reserved.
We were visiting some burn victims later and she looked at me from the side, "What are you thinking?" I said, as I looked at a boy who was under one of those tents because like 70% of his skin was gone, "the people who brought him here knew he is human." She knew what I meant. Humans fight. Humans steal, beat each other up, murder... Humans love and hate and act like humans. What was done to the other children we saw, to the baby in that was dumped outside the hospital, what is done daily to people and children all over the world; they are treated like rags, like dirt, with no more regard than an old news paper. Only worse. The degradation. The insult. If they were /only/ beaten. If they were /only/ ignored. If they were /only/ neglected. Those things would not be as bad.

It is not /just/ men on girls. This is an equal opportunity exploitation. Yes, it is /mostly/ men on girls, but the boys cannot be forgotten. It is children of all sorts. People are fighting it. People want it to stop. People want it not only out of their back yard, but gone from the world.

It is sad. It angers me.

But even more - more than the violence, the trafficking, the disregard for human rights and decency - is that little nugget of knowledge I try to bury lest I loose all hope: None of it would happen if there were not a market for it.
Fight it.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

I am supporting LOVE146

I have started a LOVE146 donation page. I just put it up and have a lot to do to make it interesting.

Here is the deal. Yeah, I am asking for donations, eh?

Maybe you want to do something, but can't dig out a buck, or you dig out a buck but want to do more.

Send me some art I can put on the page.
Send me a personal story / share an experience that I can put on the page to draw others in.
Link to it.

Please, there are things you can do, even if they do not seem like much.

Take Care-
More later.

Friday, December 10, 2010

It's Friday + a dream

Well, part of a dream - but I'll get to that later.
Yeah, there have been updates to LMDE (Linux Mint Debian Edition) and so, and all the groovy updates promised. The big one I am waiting for is the 64bit release.
I mean, am I wrong or will this require a new iso? Everything else, yeah, great, I can get through updates. Well, not exactly everything. They said they made improvements to the installer, so I need to run the installer if I want to check them out.

So I am waiting (kinda) patiently for the new 64bit iso of LMDE. But I will be all excited when it is out - probably blog all about it and stuff.

As some of you are well aware, my - er, Dad's - house plays holiday host for the holidays. People were over for Thanksgiving, and typically we get everyone again for Christmas-New Years. Yup, that's right, a week+ of "house guests."
Every time, I work hard to make sure the house is ready for everyone. Then Mum comes and re-does it all - like it was her house. So, "Why do I do it, knowing this?" you may ask. I just have to. If for no other reason than when Mum comes and moved things, there are not those "clean" spots where things were, you know? Everything is clean before she touches it. Then I have to re-clean after they go to, uh, get "them" off things.
I am doing something different this year. I am completely rearranging the house full stop. Totally mixed up the chi or whatever. Couch - over there. Radio - there. Book case - (unloaded) over there (reloaded). Etc, etc. Even the kitchen is all rearranged.

The point of all this? To change things so radically that Mum will actually _notice_ that I am taking care of it. This is still a work in progress, so we'll see how it goes. It may backfire on me and drive me nuts. Oh, and for the record, yeah, I even am doing the bedrooms.

And, third:
Before I get to the actual "dream" part of this, you gotta know the setup.
In the past, I have had (bad) dreams about waking up next to Dad in bed and (bad) dreams about waking up next to him in bed that felt so real that I ran screaming into his room waking him up with a hockey stick. Being a bit of a sleep walker, I have actually woken up in Dad's bed, being... uh... poked in the back of the leg by him*. That was a fright and he ended up getting kicked in the face before things settled down.
[edit: I should clarify that he was /sleeping/ when this happened, eh? Not his /fault/.]
Also, Amy shares my bed when everyone is over for the holidays. So, I am not completely unaccustomed to waking with someone else in bed. Now, on to the dream:

In the dream, I was dreaming about everyone being here for the holidays and having Amy around. Then, in the dream, I dreamed I woke up rather peacefully, just stretching in the sun-warmed sheets, face down and feeling the still-fresh linen against my skin. I was quickly and calmly aware of the weight of someone next to me, my skin against their smooth skin. I could feel the rhythm of their breathing and it was comforting. I kept my eyes closed against the persistent, bright sumer sun. I felt the curves of their - of her body and knew she was on her back; slight curve of breast against the my ribs. My skin felt cool against her warm body, soft and tender. I smiled from the comfort of it all as I finished my stretch then rolled to my side, away from my bedmate to look at her face. The scent was so familiar I could picture the form before me before I opened my eyes and found...
That startled me awake for real. I should have known it was a dream from the light. There was too much light. Sunrise it not until like almost eleven. I had been expecting (in my dream) for it to have been Amy, so familiar and comfortable. I really believed my dream was real and Amy was next to me. I just knew it. Then to open my eyes and find Claire - I was instantly bombarded with new, Claire scents and rhythms. And that /light/. It was on the other side of Claire from me (well, no, it was all around such that the only things I could see were myself, the bed (and beddings) and Claire) and the light wrapped around her so tightly that I could only see her face - my mind filling in the rest of her from memory, vague and incomplete. At least she was smiling at me.

That was yesterday morning - Thursday. It kinda occupied my thoughts, leaving me lost to this distraction most of the day.
You know when you have an "off" day, right? And you can tell things are just not going the way they normally do. So, at fencing, I am off my game. Completely distracted. One guy who doesn't really beat me... doesn't really get touches on a normal day... beats me - twice - and starts talking to his buds about how much better he is because now he is better than me. He had extra toast with breakfast, and now he is better than me, so he is going to have extra toast before tournaments. He put on his right shoe first this time, so he is better than me and will now always put on his right shoe first. Some such nonsense.
On the other hand, the other, the really good fencers, are actually /more/ annoying. "Hey, there were a couple of opportunities in there you missed, thank goodness." Or, "Oh, my, I thought you were going to get me there... You normally get me with those." Etc, etc. Yeah, they could tell I was off my game, but they were trying to /help/. Even Coach started trying, but my mind just was not in it. I tried meditating, but oddly, it did not help.


So, this is probably a fairly frustrating post for some of you. It touches on Linux, Family, Dreams, Fencing... if I... Oh, I think I will...

Here are the first fifteen tracks in my current playlist:
[0/2680] Lily Allen - Everything's Just Wonderful (03:29)
[1/6901] Book Of Love - I Touch Roses (Long Stemmed Version) (05:46)
[2/6891] Book Of Love - Late Show (03:38)
[3/3300] KT Tunstall - Hold On (02:58)
[4/3209] Katharine McPhee - Over It (03:35)
[5/3294] 32+-+KT+Tunstall+-+Hold+On.mp3 (02:47)
[6/6946] Everything But The Girl - Letting Love Go (04:46)
[7/6939] Everything But The Girl - Driving (04:00)
[8/4235] Yaz - And On (03:12)
[9/5702] Garbage - Wicked Ways (03:44)
[10/5660] Garbage - Cup Of Coffee (04:31)
[11/3221] Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl (03:00)
[12/3299] KT Tunstall - Funnyman (02:56)
[13/6902] Book Of Love - Boy (Extended Mix) (04:29)
[14/3121] Gabriella Cilmi - Einstein (03:40)

Oh, Mercy... somethings in that list should be omitted. :blush:

I just finished reading The Ghost and the Goth by Stacey Kade. It was a good and light teen candy book. I have these "Candy Books" that I read from time to time. Most are Teen, or YA books, but they are fun without having a lot of weight, you know? Why I Let My Hair Grow Out, The first HP book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, In the Stone Circle, the first Twilight book (Uh, I guess that would be Twilight) and about anything by Meg Cabbot. I mean, there are other "light reading" books I have and like and whatnot. The Pern Series, some Piers Anthony, Dresden Files, Girl Vs Evil and whatnot. But these are not like my "deep reading" like Time Travelers Wife, or Never Let Me Go, etc.

Okay... lots of topics to post for one day. Have fun...


Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Hmm... That's funny

Okay, not funny, "Haha" but more like, funny, "peculiar." (Aside from the fact that I could not seem to remember how to spell 'peculiar.' I was so far off, spellcheck thought I meant percolator. But then, spellcheck thinks "spellcheck" is two words- the idiot. Kidding. Where whoudl I be whit owt mi speelchech.)

So, I was looking at my blogger stats this morning and it seems that this past week, about 1/3 of my audience is from Russian IP's, holding the #2 spot. Normally, #2 is "Elsewhere" (lovely island, but nuts if they think reading my blog is worthwhile.)

That tipped the scale and I decided to post a meta-blog, of sorts. I blog talking about (what else) my blog.

This started coming about towards the end of November when I saw that I was approaching a new peak hit count. This past June was, like, way above any other month. Mostly because that was the last time I had uploaded any new fiction to my DeviantArt collection. (And thinking about that bums me out because it reminds me how long it has been.) So, November was drawing to a close and I was like, goodness... I am only 10 hits away from my all time high. So I tweeted for people to go look at my blog. BAM! Way over my June peak.

So then, I was like, gee, thanks twitter, but how many people are going to come back, right? I mean, there seem to be a number of people that stop by on Monday mornings. I try to have some kind of post every Friday, so Mondays are kinda safe. Then there are some people that seem to stop by daily. That's cool. If I make a post, that alone seems to stir things up a bit. It I tweet a link, that really seems to make the biggest impact, and it does not even seem to matter WHAT is in the tweet, just that there is a link. (What is wrong with you people? You'll click /anything!/)

So I figure they are like, bots and stuff that just find and follow links.

I still think that there are only 3 people in the universe that /read/ this thing. I could probably make up government/corporate "leaks" and not even get in trouble for it... Keep my paypal and everything. Oh, wait.... I HAVE NO PAYPAL!

Hold on... (or do I...?)

So, there you have it... A blog /about/my blog.

Take Care-

Monday, December 6, 2010

This dream threw me

Hi, and welcome to another What the Dickens Was I Dreaming post.

It is not uncommon for me to dream about being in the hospital. It is not uncommon for me to dream about fencing.

These two things do not typically overlap.

So, here it goes...

I was dreaming I was in the hospital and I could not go fencing until I was out. Well that makes sense. But there was this... new wing/tower of the hospital that /I/ was responsible for. It was like, I was the "project manager" for it, because it was kinda for me. AIDS treatment and research in general, but I could not leave until it was done... and then, only for, like, short trips or whatever because I was going to be staying there. Sad, I know.
So, it was kinda weird and lonely wandering about in this place, all like 90% done. It /looked/ like it was /going/ to be real nice looking, but just, incomplete.

There was stuff in this one area that the construction people had for like their break-room sort of thing and I had food there too and stuff, but I was never hungry. I would just go and look at everything. Water, beer, juice, sandwiches-all-wrapped-in-cling-film.

This is going to seem, after my other dreams I posted, like I am some weird sort of exhibitionist, but I was nekkid. Starkers. That was why I could not leave until everything was complete because I was not going to be complete until it was too. Parts of me were missing - mostly on my left (I am right handed, so it was not /as/ big a deal to be missing part of my left arm, and my left ear and eye, and just kinda... stuff. I was not really focussed on it, but I /knew/ I was not done in places. And my feet were cold.

So, fellow fencers were like, when are you going to come back? And all I could really say was that it was going to be a while longer.

So they came to the hospital to fence in the open, incomplete spaces. Some of my old students were there to take classes from me and stuff too, but they were the same age that they were when I was teaching. I remember making a mental note of that in my dream - that their ages were wrong and that it probably meant something significant.

The dream ended unresolved. Before it had dissolved, we (fencers and some other friends of mine) were down in the parking garage. They got undressed too and we were making a game of trying to not be seen. Kind of a bizarre hide-n-go-peek.

Well, there you have it. Another weird dream, brought to you by... well, by me.

Take Care-

Friday, December 3, 2010

I tried to find the secrets of the brain

Music Goes Round My Head
by The Saints
"All my life I've searched upon the reasons for us being here
The universe and all that it contains
Well I tried to find the secrets of the brain

Twenty years I've labored trying to find who my creator was
But now at last the pieces fall in place
It's funny and it shows upon my face

And the music goes 'round my head
And I can't hear a thing you said
And my life echoes through my brain
It's so comical I'm insane"

Obviously, I would not know this song at all if not for the film Young Einstein. Young Einstein is just one of those films that, though anachronistic like crazy, is just good, silly fun. But nevermind that.

For the most part, I do not really do well at interpreting songs beyond the face value stuff. And a lot of songs make no sense whatsoever when you try and take them literally. There are some exceptions to my ineptitude, but for the most part, I either like a song, or I don't. I don't have to understand it any more than I have to understand /why/ I like it.

THAT being said, I do, at times, /try/ to understand. Sometime I just take what it means to me and me alone, as if it was written for me, though Mercy knows it was not. (Much of the music I like was written well before I was born, in case there was any doubt at all. If I was ever anyone's muse, it was in a life that was not this one.)

So... the music goes 'round me head. I have, over my years (albeit fewer than twenty) contemplated the meaning to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. I even read a book by that title.

I like listening to music; letting it consume me, letting it replace the me that is inside with the stuff that is it. Much like the way I like getting lost in a good book, I like the music to carry me away where I don't have to be me.

So, yeah, some of my favorite songs are all about the music; the melody, the rhythm, the bass, the je-ne-cest-qua.
Other times it is the voice, the story, the words.

Do I like instrumentals? Well, not as a rule, but there are plenty that I do like.
Do I like musicals? Again, not as a rule, but there are plenty that I do like.

I have music playing just about all the time. World music, techno, rave, jazz, rock, classic, soundtracks... even bagpipes.
Quiet, ambient new age stuff while I meditate, dance music while I workout, swing while I ride my bike... whatever.

But I have no talent for music. Like Henry DeTamble in The Time Traveler's Wife, my life has a soundtrack, but it is all by someone else.

This kinda bums me a bit.

So... If you are out there, and you are reading this blog:
What is playing right now?
Do you play an instrument?
Are you musically inclined, or declined?
Can you sing? Let me rephrase that... Do You think you can sing?

Just... leave a comment!

Take Care-

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Thanksgiving Aftermath

So, everyone is is gone and it is just Dad and I in the house again.

Yesterday was a kind of /accelerated/ and or condensed version of my weekly cleaning schedule to get the house back to normal after 5 house guests for like 4 days.

It was not that bad, really. The biggest part is the psychological cleansing from the house, you know? Like, Amy used /that/ glass before she left. She put her toothbrush in the left slot on the holdie-thingie. When Amy put that book back on the shelf, it was positioned just /so/ and I have to line it up to get Amy out of the house even after she went home the day before.

I know what some of you are thinking and yes, I washed Amy's and my towels separately from everyone else's, but this phenomenon is not exclusive to to Amy. With sex happening in the spare room and a toddler running around (that is unrelated to the sex that was going on - I promise) there are plenty of other things that were just... out of order.

(Aunt) Joan: "Here, I'm just going to wash our bedding before we leave."
Me: "No, it's okay. I'll get it."
Joan: "Oh, you don't have too. I can take care of it."
Me: "Really. Please just leave it. It will be fine."
Joan: "Oh, I just want to, you know, not be more of a burden than..."
Me: "Yeah, I know there is your residue de amore. I won't look. It's fine. I promise."
Joan: "Well..."
Me: "If you wash it, I'll just wash it again later. You may as well leave it."

At lease I was smiling. Hopefully not too much. That's why I do not care for plastic facades - I am always afraid they may be transparent.

And I looked. Sue me. I had to pre-treat after all.

Oh, but that is not what this post was going to be about...

Today is the last day of the month. According to my stats, this is my top month so far. I kinda thought last June was going to hold the record for a while 'cause it was kind up there a bit and just a few days ago, November was still quite a ways away.

So, thanks for all the visits!

But I must confess - I have mixed emotions.... with some of the /personal/ stuff I post here, it kinda creeps me out that so many people are looking at it, but then, I am posting it on the interwebz, so... of course it is getting looked at. I suppose what I am saying here is that it /is/ on the interwebz, so if it was /not/ getting read, that would be weird, or a bummer, or something.

On the other hand, I realize that I post my techie stuff, fun stuff, and personal stuff on the same blog. Different audiences. Would be better if it was divided up. Maybe that will be a 2011 thing.

Oh, and I dreamed last night that Claire kissed me and I was really happy about it. It felt /SO/ real. I could feel her chapped lips. (Not like, gross chapped... just a little rough. Texture that made it feel so /real/.) So, not I am _so_ confused about how I feel about it.

The logical side of me is telling me that this was my brain's way telling me that I think Claire is accepting of my relationship(?) with Amy. Not that there is really a "relationship" but that she is cool with whatever it is that we do have.

Oh, but it was tender and /HOT/. -which is going to be a subject of meditation on its own because, pretty as she is, Claire does not turn me on. Well, no one does, but that is another story.

Okay -
So -
Thanks for good November stats!
Take Care!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Where do I even begin?

Actually, I have no issue with trying to figure out where to begin... I am a chronological kinda girl.

Lets see... Wed, picking up Mum.
Before we left, Amy called. She was being all sympathetic with the strain of having everyone over and wanted to know if having her here too was going to be too much. I assured her - with no pretense - that I wanted here there most of all. So, she was happy.
In the car, on the way to the airport, Dad was saying, "I know your Mum stresses you out a bit when she comes over and tries to run the house," and I say, "Gee... ya' think?" and he was like, "she just feels bad about not being able to host these shin-digs and wants to take some of the load off us." And I was like, "So, yeah, she means well, but it would be so much easier if she would just kick back and relax." So, of course, Dad comes back with, "Have you ever /told/ her that?"
What could I say? I hem-haw'd about for a bit then just resigned, "No... not, like, in /words/ and stuff."
So, yeah, my maternal unit it a bit of a control noodge, but I am not exactly the best at, like, talking and stuff.

We get her and have brunch-ish. Mum says I am looking good (she lies) and that since I am getting some hair I should let her have someone do something with it. So I take off my touque(sp) and show her that it is only growing in the front. Nothing really to do anything with. I make a mental note to get rid of it all. Hey, I tried to let it alone.

Shopping for food.

No, back up. Mum tries to get us to go clothes shopping now before the crowds hit on Friday. She gets vetoed.

Shopping for food. Mum wants to do a turkey. I want to do fish. She says, "who does fish for Thanksgiving?" I say, "Hello? Alaska? I think there is some whale in the icehouse." Mum cringes. Dad represses a giggle. No, wait... he is more manly than giggling. And that should be "suppresses", not "represses."
We compromise. Turkey.

So, on the way back to the house, I actually /tell/ Mum that she should just relax and enjoy herself. So she tells us how she wants the turkey done and starts "setting up the house for guests."
Dad and I share a private laugh. But at least she it out of the kitchen for now.

Okay, so Mum is arranging for everyone coming over - sleeping wise.
"You know, LQ, if you do not want to share your room with Amy... If you are not comfortable with that..." she says.
"Oh, no. It is fine. It would not be a family get-together without sleeping with Amy."
She raises an eyebrow at me.
"You know what I mean. And no, it won't be weird. I'm not worried about her trying anything. We're cool." And that is probably more than I have ever told Mum about my relationship with Amy.

So, we snack and cook and watch movies and play games and everyone eventually arrives.

Around the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Yes, I know that was a sentence fragment. Get over it.
Re-capping the party members:
Mum and her two ex's (Dad and Amy)
Her brother, his ex (Amy), current (Joan) and offspring (Jill)
Dad, his ex (Mum) and current (Kathy) and offspring (Me)
Amy, her two ex's (Uncle and Mum) and (?) (Me)
Joan, her current, her current's ex and her offspring
Jill and all these weirdos.
Me, surrounded by people who know far too many of my issues, all too well.

Bird is on the table. All the side are on the table. Drink glasses are full and all the places are set. I am the last one up and the bird-carving tools are still in the kitchen. So, I go pick them up and bring them to the table.

There is this... odd... silence as everyone (rug-rat excluded) is looking at /ME/ holding a /great/ /big/ knife.

I roll my eyes and hand the thing to Dad, but there is that moment. That elephant walking through the room.
I sit down, fold my arms across my chest and I think my bottom lip even stuck out just a little and Dad starts carving. (For those who may not know, I am not permitted sharp/pointy things. The failing track record I have with them is evident on my skin.)
Joan serves herself some stuffing then passes the dish. "So... how do you shave?"
After I pick up my jaw, I am actually pleased there was someone at the table over the age of /me/ who was unclear on the answer to that.
But the pleasantries for the next far-too-long pretty much ended there as the dinner conversation was centered around the fact that the seventeen year old (me) was displaying no more signs of puberty than the two-ish year old (Jill).
It did kinda end after the suggestion of getting out the CT scan of my ovaries was thrown out there.
"How about lets not," I say. I did not say, "Hey, lets /not/ get out the pictures of my crotch... again"
There is some debate on the relative merits of looking at the proof that I do actually have them. I give dad a pleading look and he kinda changes the subject and things get better after that, but I still could not really eat. Yep, I was embarrassed. I really tried to not show it, because it really was not anything to /be/ embarrassed about.

Moving on...
After dinner's cleanup was followed by much playing of Rock Band. That was cool. I mean, Mum, Kathy and I were taking turns on the vocals, Amy played drums, mostly and Dad and Uncle mostly stuck to the guitars. Joan rotated through the set here and there while entertaining Jill.

There was over all very little discussion of my inert reproductive system, my bad habits, and (most importantly) the few little gaps I have from the past few days are, well, few, and seem innocuous. Just some, "Earth to LQ - Hello - You in there?" and no one heard me talking to my food - that I am aware of.

I enjoyed a nice cup of espresso with minimal upset.

My bread pudding went over well.

I got to have some of the good scotch - but just a sip.

We did all have Guinness Punch - even Claire (I am such a bad influence - hahaha).

I ate at least something every day.

Friday, my friend Claire came over. Saturday, I went to Claire's for a while.

All in all, much of the long weekend was spent with all of us playing in the snow and me being Amy's pet like I used to. Only, now I am a little more reserved because I know what effect that has on her.

Claire did say it was a little weird seeing Amy kiss me bye. But not much weirder then seeing the general affection I show for Amy. She is way more accustomed to me keeping far more distance from people.

So, everyone is gone. The rest of the putting-the-house back in order will wait until tomorrow morning... after I post this. This was a much better holiday than last year.

Them are the highlights. I'll post this in the morning.
So for now...

Take Care -

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A quickie before the holiday


From the time we pick up Mum until the last house guest is punted out I will not likely get the opportunity to update my blog, so, here it is.

I had mentioned the other day that I have family coming over. We are picking up Mum at the airport in a little bit. She'll be hungry, so we will likely have brunch, then go shopping for all the food that: 1) Dad and I forgot to get 2) is better to get "fresh"-er 3) that Mum will say we forgot, but really Dad and I just would just as soon not have bothered with.

Then Mum will make a big deal of having to rush to the house to get is ready for company. Hello - Just what have I been doing all weekend? And what I do every time we have company?

Mum does not get that she does not live here anymore and _she_ is the company that I have to get ready for.

Aunt and uncle (Mum's brother and sister-in-law) along with their rug-rat will be driving in tonight.

Dad's ... um ... friend is coming in the morning to help with the meal-making. This should be interesting. She has met Mum before and all should be cool there, but /I/ feel mondo tension. Dad too. Actually, I may have sympathetic tension from Dad.

And Amy (Mum's first sister-in-law) will be here tomorrow too.

Mum is like the center cog of awkward in the family.

Here it is in a nut-shell:
She slept with her brother's first wife before he did.
Dad still loves her, and she still loves him, but she switched teams.
She and Dad's new hopefully-girlfriend are both going to be playing Mrs Domestic.
Uncle's ex will be here because of her relationship with Mum (which has ended physically, but they are still really good friends) and now with me (--not a physical relationship exactly--)

So I have a house full of ex's and currents. This is, by the way, not my idea of the Norman Rockwell Family Holiday. I have emergency meds to help me through it. I also have Claire on speed dial to whisk me away should the need arise. We don't want a repeat of last year.

Actually, the little niece provides a nice bit of distraction.

So, Take Care and Happy Thanksgiving to all you Americans out there. Happy Next-Few-Days to the rest of you.


Monday, November 22, 2010

Funding my DeviantArt?

I cannot believe that I am actually considering putting an annoying banner add on my blog page to fund my DeviantAry membership. (shakes head) I dunno. I mean, I do not think that it gets enough hits to make a difference, so it would just be... annoying.

Yeah, I think that about decides it for me. Not enough hits to make it worth selling out. (How sad is that?)

Or... what do you all think? One little ad down at the bottom... maybe?

I suppose I could take it down if it irritates me too much.

Hmm.... decisions, decisions.

Friday, November 19, 2010

It is Friday and I am not sure how I feel about that

This update may take me a while to get posted, but I will leave it up here until I am good and ready to post it.

This week has really gone my fast. Too fast, one may say.

The Linux Mint servers were having issues from being overloaded. I am happy that they are getting that popular... in a way.

Maybe I should go back to looking for a nice, quiet, unpopular distribution... maybe I should stick with Mint. It is great, but I am never one to go with the flow, as it were.

Rice. Sure, it's rice - who expects it to _not_ be boring. But hey, seasoned right, it is very flexible. And, dried, it stores well all winter, so, you know, no point in being down about it, eh?

I watched the film they made of Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones and...
I think they did a good job. I am not goring to do a side-by-side breakdown. I have given up on trying to do that because it never ends well for the film. Maybe an exception or two. Now, books made from films? That is a whole other issue all together.
Back to the point, I really think that - for a conversion - the stripped down film made a lot of sense. Yeah, I think there was a point or two missing... but those missing points are mostly Mrs. Sebold's issues/hangups. It was tidied up nicely for the movie-going audience.

Never Let Me Go, when it comes out, I am not likely going to be so kind about. In fact, I think I am going to re-read it over the holidays so it is all fresh. It has been even longer since I read Ishiguro than Sebold. This was an incredible book. Depressing, yes, but incredible.

Now, I have no idea if there are plans or not, but I think Peter Jackson could do a good job bringing Scott Westerfeld's Uglies series to film... seeing as how Hollywood has thrown in the towel on original film concepts. (Did I spell Westerfeld right? lemme look that up... Nope. Better go back and fix that. Done. Now no one will know.)

I did a thing a while back about songs that, given a more developed story, could make a really good film. Some may be more like a Sundance festival short, other maybe like a full fledged motion picture, but hey... interesting plot nonetheless.
I am listening to Yaz (or Yazoo, for those of you across the pond) while writing this. It feels good.

Earlier, I was listening to Cherry Poppin' Daddies:
"You gotta move fast to beat the devil
Your arm is too short to box with G__"
I feel like that some days... stuck between anything and everything with no recourse and no wall to put my back against. It really wears me out sometimes.

Oh, I am doing better now, I suppose. Sometimes when you are lying down at the bottom of the well, the only thing to do is be still and hope the kicking is over with soon.

So, this is supposed to be the month for writing, right? It is bugging me that I have not been able to put anything down, you know? And Mum will be here Wednesday. It feels like it may as well be tomorrow. I am not ready to deal with family again. Maybe I just want Dad all to myself for the holidays. Yeah, that is bad of me to think like that, but then, I have even worse thoughts, so, oh well. The point of that was to say that starting with Mum on Wed,family will be coming and between getting ready, and then them being here, I doubt I will get anything finished enough to post. :bummer:

This is getting long-ish and has touched on a number of subjects without being very meaningful to any of them, so I suppose it is time to wrap this up.

Take Care-

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

No Update Today

There was a time I was doing one of those 365 things. I am not now, so I do not, like, need to make an update every day.

So, I am wrapped up in a blanket eating (?) tomato soup listening to (currently Pet Shop Boys - no, it is changing... Gary Numan). It is -26C outside and a nice, new, fluffy layer of snow.

Here is the thing: I do not know which is worse; your friends parents catching you talking to your food, or getting the answer to "Does it talk back?" wrong.

Also, my, um, agent was asking me if I wanted some more work... for someone else. More script _writing_. That is good. New and different stuff. I asked PHP or PERL and he said it would be up to me... whatever works. It'll probably be PHP. Ah, my good friend. Comfortable like an old blanket. Like this blanket, actually.


Last night's dream was really messed up and I am not going to post it.

There is that meteor shower tonight. Leonid.

Prince William got engaged, eh? Good for them. I think she'll do fine.

What else?

Oh, and yeah, check out Funny comics. You may have seen that I am reading the archives.

So, take care, eh-


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I even have Doctors in my dreams!

I woke up a few minutes ago from a _weird_ dream segment that I want to get down before- well here it is, and yes, I am sure it is all bout the frustrations I was having with work.

I was at the Dr's and it was like an operating room / gym locker room. At times, I was on the table, but at other times I was walking around. Well not much walking around, kinda on my feet, over in the corner.

The Dr was always really nice-talking and gentle. Not like, used-car-salesman/serpent-with-fruit-nice-talk but a genuine, comforting tone and disposition. He explained the whole procedure, then each step as he was going through it. It was only the two of us there. I was not scared and I knew that everything was... well... proper.

So, there were these things, as he explained, that he was going to attach to each of my organs so that then, when it was their turn, they would come out really easily.

The first one to go was my right kidney and I was amazed at the relief once it was out. I just hurt so much less - it felt good to have it out, but that was a small comfort, all things considered. I was already nekked, so I did.

Then I would "take a break" and get up and walk around as described earlier.

Then my left kidney and while I was standing after that one, I really needed to pee. He said to just let it go there in the corner where I was and that it would probably be the last time I would need to worry about that.

Then liver, spleen and pancreas, right lung - all in the same fashion.

He said he was saving my ovaries for last because he did not want me to feel like I was missing them. I thought it was nice at the time.

Then he was like, "Anything you want to say, now is your chance. I'm about to remove your other lung."

I just shook my head.

Then he said, "I'm just going to go ahead and take your heart now so your part will be over."

He did and showed it to me with a smile. I smiled back and fell asleep - which was when I woke up feeling no more love for Doctors than before I went to sleep.

So, now I am wrapped up really tight in my blanket and I keep looking of my shoulder.

And before you ask:
- Yes, I have read "Never Let Me Go"
- Yes, I know they are making it to film.

I had not actually thought about that until I was typing this blog though.

Well, hopefully my day will be better. (Although the sensation of being free from pain was nice.)

I think I need some hot apple cider - it is nine below (twenty-three below for my oh-so-many metric readers)

Take Care-

Monday, November 15, 2010

My Jove, I think he's got it.

Well, there is hope at last.

The contractor guy who sends this data work my way interceded. 1) he explained that no, it was not okay, but that the compiled data they got back from the other guy may be bad. 2) said they need to get their extract fix, 3) Told Mr Honcho in no uncertain terms that he was not entitled to contact me directly - certainly not without including him.

So, the short of it all is that the character is not supposed to be in the data. *If* I removed it so my process would work correctly, it still would mean that the raw data is compromised. They are doing to have to have the stuff on their end looked at. This seems a little anti-climactic after how the guy irked me so.

Dad says that I have had a big problem staying ... myself these past few days and yeah, I have big missing blocks with this going on. It is not worth it.

I got other stuff to do.

Take Care

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Working for People is Frustrating


Some people.

So... the data format saga continues.

Mr Honcho, waiting for his compiled data, was like, "We are sending you the same format that we were sending the other guy and he didn't have a problem with it."

I was like, "I can't speak on the other data sets as I did not process them. This data set has is not properly formatted and if I processes the data now, it will produce bad results."

So Mr Honcho decides that I need to look at what the last guy did and fix my process and it is already late so I had better get it done fast.

He has some sample data sets and the results sent to me and I look at them. Yes, the data is bad going in and my results are identical to what the last guy produced.

"Mr Honcho. The sample dataset I was provided is similarly bad and my results are identical to the ones that were provided to you. If your IT folks require anything from me, please let me know."

And Mr Honcho replies, "If you are getting the same results that they did, then obviously everything is fine with the data and you need to get me my results back. Please Hurry."

(These all are not really quoted. I am paraphrasing.)

My reply: "Excuse me?"

The next sound you hear will be my head making contact with my desk.

Take Care-

Friday, November 12, 2010

It's Friday - I'm in... pajamas

Yes. It is Friday and I know that most of you out there do not need _me_ to tell you that.

I _so_ do not feel like posting on my blog today, so I thought I would post about that.

This is just a Friday blog and not very interesting, so you may want to just move on, but here it goes.

I have been missing a lot of time lately and that makes it really hard to get things done. Well, sure, I think I swept the same floor like 5 times on Tuesday. So, I know that got done, eh? Maybe we should get security cameras in here so I can find out what it is that goes on during these spells. Or maybe I am better off not knowing. Typically that is what I hear - that I don't want to know, or it was not important .

Twice this week I woke up in Dad's bed, once in the kitchen and once in the bathroom. Once I came back from my missing time undressed in the coat closet and once by the creek in my parka and boots.

For the November writing thing, I was really hoping to get a lot written... no a character.

Then... I get this e-mail yesterday from "my client" (a honcho at the place for whom I crunch data. See, first, I was like, "The byte count is off and there is this transmission artifact (ascii-burp) in the file. Please re-transmit."
So I get it back without the garble, and there is one record with a bad field count and it is throwing things off. So I find an un-escaped delimiter in a field in the record and it should not be there at all - like, there is no reason for that character to be in there at all.
I go back to them again and I am like, there is this record that has a problem. It was extracted that way and it needs to be fixed, re-extracted and sent to me again.

This is where the honcho's e-mail comes in because they should have the file back [today, now that it is Friday] but it will be late, etc, etc.

The e-mail was just to me, like it was my fault. I included my contractor guy when I replied, "Excuse me?"

That was really depressing on top of all my uncertainties this week.

So, _NOW_ I am feeling bad.

I was listening to The Bravery this morning what waffling about posting this. I made ginger-curry rice with an egg, but they are getting cold while I type.


Reading Misfile did not help because it is kinda a mini cliffhanger and I could just about kick Chris in the shin for doing that to me today, but no... I couldn't do that.

I am thinking hard about finishing watching Kick-A__... but I don't know. I am about 40 minutes in an waiting for a character that I like. Well, I liked Mr Bitey, but that is it so far.

So, there it is. Hope I didn't bring anyone down.

Take Care-

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Another Dream, while I'm at it.

Okay, this one is really short, eh?

Again, fencing related.

I have a vague impression of the ride _to_ fencing, but more as a sense that what was going on _while_ I was fencing had been going on for a long time and was adding to the frustration.
So, there I am, on strip, _trying_ to fence, one opponent after the next. And we are fencing, but there are people that keep talking to me. I don't have my mask on. It is like, I am about to lunge, and someone - anyone - next to me, beside the strip, asks me a question. Like, what I want for dinner; did I hear about this or that from the news; have I done such and such... I really do not even remember all the questions and comments. I just wanted to scream "shut up!"
It was not just any one person talking to me. They were not strangers in my dream, but looking back, I do not recognize any of them. I was _really_ frustrated and getting a headache. The not having my mask on is bothering me a lot. I mean, that is the best part of fencing; getting to wear my mask. I keep it clean and smelling nice... like LQ sweat. Kidding. It smells minty. My glove on the other hand...

So, was it impacting my performance? You bet. Was I getting lots of touches against? You bet. Was I getting some touches for? Yes.

It was kinda weird and did not last real long. The my dream phone started ringing and I was in that B-29. I actually got to find the phone. That is kinda different. I rarely get to answer it. I pick it up and am about to say "hello" and the bomb doors open and down I go. Yeah, it got worse from there, but this part is typical and not interesting... as such.

So, Take Care-

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Nekked Fencing

So, I had this kinda weird fencing dream last night. It is incomplete the way many dreams are, but here it is.

The setup - Here is what I just knew in the dream - not learned from events in the dream:

I was at a fencing tournament with some other people from my club. The Men's/mixed even was nearing completion and I was fencing in the Women's event that followed. It was not at our club, but one we had been to plenty, although awake, I have no recollection of a place like this. I just knew it was not our salle and that, in the dream, it was not completely unfamiliar.

Claire (who does not fence, but is like my best friend) was there standing beside me while we watched the current bout. One of my club-mates was in the bout and it was a DE bout going into the third period. My friend was leading something like 11 to 9 at the early part of my dream. If he won, he was going to have to fence his brother who was standing just a little in front and to the right of me off the back of the opponent's side of the strip. (so he was kinda facing his brother.)

Claire was standing to my left and slightly behind. For those of you who track relative positions differently, the bout was north/north-east of me, putting the brother east/north-east of me, and Claire was west/south west of me. And, for those who feel this is important, the predominant colour tone was white and I was loosing background detail to like a white light glare. It was not painful, but just there like the brightness was turned up and the saturation was down. Maybe. It was just kinda whitewashed.

Now we are getting to the more weird part. I was thinking about the feel of the heavy fencing jacket moving over over my skin because I did not have it on yet. I was not wearing my underarm protector, chest protector tee-shirt... nothing. No shoes nor socks either. The only - only thing I had on were my un-zipped fencing pants. I kept my arms folded over my chest for my own sense of modesty and discomfort, not because anyone else though anything of me being mostly nekked. I felt very vulnerable with out my full kit on, and mask, on the strip with my epee. I was rather anxious to get started fencing. Even just a warm-up bout. Anything just to get covered up.

I had to pee. I was hoping to see the end of the bout, but the pressure was more urgent. So, I headed off to the stalls. I could almost say stables. I was very aware of the feel of my fencing pants on my bare skin underneath, and of the white tiles of the floor under my bare feet, and of the feel under my left hand left of the heavily painted (white) wood of the sides of the stall. The other side - like, the other stall (to the north west, for those who care) was still the tile, but covered in hay/straw. There were no animals there, but, it was like there normally were. It was all clean, just... stable-esque.

I woke up before I sat down in my dream... and wondered down the hall to my real bathroom.

Uh, there you have it. If you have a question about it, feel free to ask. There may be a detail left out.

Take care-

Eenie, meenie, mynie, (win)ME

Okay, So...
I am looking at checking out some old Win games Dad found in a box. Infocom and Sierra stuff. I was thinking first that these are _so_ Win'95 that I really ought to just be able to use WINE (wine 1.2.1-0ubuntu1 Microsoft windows compatibility layer)
But then... I really do not want to junk up my nice fresh system, when I can just spin up a virtual machine.

Initially, I was just going to run the WIN7 VBox and have at it. But then I got to thinking again about how old these are, and how they are more than likely 16 bit dos-ported-to-windows games. DOS I could actually handle easier, I think, running DOSBOX, but that won't work here.

But, Win95 was bad. Win98 was a little less bad. Win98SE was starting to get not too bad. Then there is Win ME. That's Millennium Edition, just in case you were not keeping up. I mean, hey, that was a long time ago. So, Win ME was like the last of that old base of windows. XP was not too far off in some ways, but far enough in the ways that are going to be a factor here. Vista and Win 7 are quite the OS's in their own way, but I am looking at some really old software.

Oh, sure, I am sure that some of you out there are all like, "Windows is great. XP can handle it." Well, no and yes - but... Windows is not as bad as I like to make it out to be. Mushrooms and I do not get along (stay with me here) and neither of us have anything good to say about the other. Other people like 'shrooms. Fine. That does not make them bad people but it also does not make me want to go out and eat them. The 'shrooms, not the people. I do not eat people, that I am aware of. Except for Green. That Green from Soylent is some tasty stuff. Kidding.

The point of all that is: I don't wanna pickle.
Wait... no. The point is I am not trying to debate the pros and cons of the operating systems in general not point out any over merits or faults. I just have to find the best tool for the job.

But, here is what I have ready to go as far as virtual machines go: Win2k, Win2k3, Win2k8, Win7... see a pattern there? Server, server, server and Se7en. Well, somewhere, I think we do still have a Vista virtual box exported on disc, but as it would not be very helpful.

Oh, and if you have a "new" Win OS and are running old, 16bit windows games, I am not trying to invalidate you at all. If there is something about all this that I apparently do not know, that is okay - it is not the end of the world - I am quite certain that there is a lot that I do not know about a great many things.

Take Care-

PS. The LINUX tag in the tag cloud is to remind people that the host system for the virtual machine is LINUX.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

I likez me some cheezies

Hot apple cider, crackers and cheese while watching The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. Film ended and I left Dad and his lady friend to have the livingroom to themselves. (It is better than me thinking about them going off to his bedroom together. But then, I do sit on that sofa from time to time.) Pay me no attention there. I don't /know/ if they have even taken their relationship to that level. Best if I try to not think about it much.

It has been a busier day that I anticipated and I think I am going to turn in early. Already have the music going and just finished polishing the pearlies.

But... I have some old Win apps from Dad that I want to check out. Do I run me some virtual Windoze, or set up WINE? What's your opinion?

Take Care-

Friday, November 5, 2010

Friday: Back to Linux Mint 10 RC

Hi, and welcome to Friday.

As far as moods and disposition goes, this was not a good week for me to have been messing about with OS's. There are times when I am in a much better frame of mind for Slackware based distros.

Most of my "grief" came from three simple things, but there was more to it than just these:
1) Virtual Box & Guest Addition display drivers
2) Package management
3) I'm an idiot.

So, it went something like this.
I was running Linux Mint Debian Edition, but the RC for Linux Mint (Main~Gnome) 10 which has a lot of cool new features on the mintMenu in particular. And, it is available in 64bit.
Okay, great. Got it installed. Got Rosetta@home going again. All was good.
Well, while going through all that, I was thinking to myself... I wonder what Zenwalk has gotten up to lately. I mean, we are talking about a virtual machine, right? I stayed up on LM10 the whole time. No problem.
So... yeah.
First off, Zenwalk Core is great for a number of things. I mean, the file server here (an old 333Mhz Pentium got mercy's sake) that I built up scraps (with Dad's help - it was my first computer assembly) is still running Zenwalk Server for about four years now. Very stable, but anyway.

One of the things I like about it is it is really easy to switch from init 3 to 4 and back. (console environment to graphical environment) This is a good thing because I needed it. I just could not really get Xorg configured. It wanted to use nothing but the vesa driver and stuck me in 800x600 in stead of 1280x800 and the mouse integration never really worked right.
Going on the supposition that these were VirtualBox issues and all this would work fine in a "real" installation, I decided to set that aside and have a look around - the real purpose of the exercise. Well, the package manager - netpkg was not too bad. I mean, I am spoiled to Mint's updater and whatnot, but I could work with netpkg/zenpkg. It is better than it was four years ago when I set up the file server. But you kinda have to know what package you are looking for. There are plenty of resources for looking around the interwebs for package names, then hope that netpkg can find it out there. I mean, I did get the kernel headers installed so I could install the VBGuestAdditions. It was livable. Zenwalk is very pretty, but I do not want to settle. If I really wanted a MAC, but did not want to pay for it, I could run ZW and install everything under the sun and be happy, I suppose.

Quickly, I just went back to LMDE, but I could not get it to install. I got kinda frustrated with that because I _had_ installed it before.

So, I looked at Absolute. It too is slackware based. And kinda pretty. I had kinda tested it out in the past, but as soon as I saw that I could not just run it in VBox out-of-the-box, I moved on because I was looking for something kinda specific at the time. So, install again.
It had a nice little "Here is what you can do now" welcome message. Google Chromium was installed out of the box as were some other things I use and others I don't. Typical.
During the install, it prompted to create a root password, but did not have a step for setting up the user. Here in the welcome screen, the message was something like this:
Here is where I am supposed to tell you that you should create a user for yourself, but I don't because I need root for everything because the only things I do on this distro need root access and I do not want to su or sudo and keep having to type the password over and over.

Well, 1) sudo can be set such that one does not have to enter the password every time. It is not as secure, but better than running around as root all the time. 2) I suppose that is fine when one is the only person to use the computer or everyone using it is just going to all use the same ID. Whatever.
So, okay. I could just set myself up my user account and configure it the way I want - I hardly have to subscribe to the author's policies, right? I *see* where he is coming from, but I just don't go there myself. No biggie. Moving on.
I downloaded all the kernel source and started building modules and installing the guest additions. Pfft - same thing; 800x600 and no mouse integration. Oh, and no mounting host shares. That is definitely a show stopper... ish.
Then it comes to the package manager - yeah, right. Search the web, find the package its self, install it. Okay... this really is fine for plenty of situations. I can really see jumping into this methodology really easily. Especially in an IT type environment where you probably have a file server with all your packages on it and can just mount your share, get to your own little custom repository and pick and choose.
BUT, if I was doing that, I would probably just run SLAX, you know? This just does not suit my current mission. Maybe when I am setting up something where that would be more appropriate, then that would be more... well, appropriate.

Now, a few things about the installers. What ever happened to letting me use more than one drive for the install? No... What drive would you like to install this on. Pick one and I am going to ignore the rest. This is fine for some things, but I want to go through this setup during installation and not have to revisit it after the fact. I want swap on a disk all its own. I want to choose where my home gets mounted - on its own drive. Putting /media in its own partition has its purpose too. Sure, I can add them later, but during install really is when I want to do it. After install, I just want to get the extra packages I need, remove the ones I don't and get to work, you know? Not the end of the world, but I feel like this was a bit of a step back in the evolution of linux installers. (Sure, someone is going to read this and think to themselves - hey, if she had just done it this way, or that way, everything would have this or that. Did I mention that I was not in the proper disposition for doing this stuff this week? Maybe later. It's virtual, I can pick it up again when I feel more like gettin' teckie wit' it.)

So, I go back to my good old Mint. What is this? I had not reset the environment back to 32 bit when I was installing LMDE! Oh... I am an idiot. But, well, I am installing 64 bit now, so no problem.

I put the VM back to Linux Mint 10 RC so I can track it until the release comes out and see if I want to install it on my laptop, or stick with the debian.

Frame of mind? I had kind of had a few setbacks when I kept blacking out during the Zenwalk tests. I would be in the middle of something, then the next thing I would know, I would be doing something else, somewhere else and have no idea where the past few hours had gone. A major setback in the trying-to-get-things-done department.

Now, all that is set aside for now and I am back on my laptop. :sigh: Comfy.

Thanks, take care, and happy Friday!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Same as it Ever Was

Well, what do you know. Looks like I /am/ going to blog about my weekend.

The cool thing about going as a sheet-ghost is that it is easy to hide. I am really short and built such that I blend in well with the younger kiddos. So, that was kinda nice - avoiding most of the flirting.

I have mirrored sunglasses built into the costume so, 1) it is not /completely/ lame, 2) they help hold the sheet in place, 3) they are kinda creepy in a rather subtle way.

So, I spent most of Sat night parked in the corner with a cup of water under my sheet that I was drinking through a straw. I was people watching. There were more witches and zombies this year than I was expecting. And most of the vampires were like the "Count Dracula" or "Vamparella" type, not the "sparkle-y" type.

There was one really nice looking fairy in a /really/ short skirt and a rather handsome Indiana Jones. While the both did talk to me (kinda flirty, but not much, and not pushy) Indy was actually one of Dad's co-workers and the fairy thought I was one of her 10yr old brother's friends. So I got to just watch from a safe distance.

Sunday was the community center thing. Same costume, but many people there know me already (small community) so the flirt risk is /vary/ low. I actually circulated a bit. I had a speak and spell that I would "talk" with, but it was kind of awkward to use under my sheet. Dad was hoping to have some sort of EVP effect. Maybe we will work on that for next year.

So, there you have it. I am probably going to go to bed now that it is like 4 in the morning.

Dad and I were watching THIS - yeah, with Fred Astaire.

Take Care--

Friday, October 29, 2010

Getting my BOINC on

I have not been running boinc/rosetta since my computer went to pieces in my bike wreck.

I (finally) after this last round of OS re-configs, got my boinc going again:

======== Projects ========
name: rosetta@home
master URL:
user_name: Lady Quindecim

(in case you were wondering)
Just the one project.

Have a Halloween "party" to go to w/ Dad tomorrow (Saturday - so, a day early).  So, Sunday we will be hanging out at the community house sort of thing.

Am I dressing up?  No.  I like it an all, but I am not really up to dressing up this year.

As for however you and yours do things, I don't know, but I will wish you all a happy Día de los Muertos or whatever it goes by in your culture.

So, Take Care and stuff-

Friday, October 22, 2010

Home again, home again, jiggity jig

For me, that is a Blade Runner reference - in case anyone was wondering.

So, yes... I am home again from "the big city."  I did not get to see much of it, but that is fine.

Most of all, I am happy to have my interwebz again so I can see all of you all again.  It was rough this past week without this outlet.  It was like a part of me could not exist.

No, I am not going to get into all the details of my (seeming) incarceration. It is not that interesting or I would rather put it all behind me or something like that.

I come on to read that Linux Mint 10 RC is out.  Cool.

I feel an OS upgrade in my near future.  Because, you know, I am me, after all.

So, I would write some of my many nightmares, but they have all kind of blurred themselves together into one dark, bloody, fiery, horror and I cannot really separate them out.

Anywho, it is good to be back online.

Take Care-

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

To The City

Getting ready for my last trip to "the big city" before winter hits in earnest.  Just the usual stuff

Yeah, I go every few months, but that is not the same as when I was moving between Dad's and Mom's every summer.

I never really collected "stuff" in general, but especially not the past seven or eight years.  However, I still have ended up accumulating more in the past couple years than I had the other 6 put together.

I blame having a best friend (other than Dad.)  Not blame in a bad way, but just kinda... explain it that way.  Looking around (other than the fencing, cycling and computer paraphernalia) most of what is around are things Clare related.  I find this odd.  It is not so much that is it bothering me.  I am not having to struggle with weird emotions or anything - like I have to burn it all, or break/cut everything into little pieces.  I (hope I) am past that. But it would be more stuff to pack if I moved.  Well, not so much if I just moved back to Mom's... I'd leave it here for the spell.

On the other hand, I have a good number of books out on loan to Claire.  Which is fine.  I'll probably take them to a book shop upon their return.

Mom has promised no surprise events this trip.  It is (mostly) utilitarian.  But it is not like have that much faith in her promises when it comes to the kind of surprises she has dealt in the past.  Most things, sure, but...

On the other hand, she is understanding more that things that she thinks are "no big deal" can really freak me out, so maybe she really will keep her promise.

Again, it is not like she makes a promise knowing she will not keep it, it is just that she has not considered these parties, weddings, whatnot to be inclusive in the "No surprises" category.

But enough about all this.  I still need to get ready.  I have a lot of house cleaning and stuff to do before I travel.

Sigh.  And I have to plan what music to take with me.  Here is what I've got so far:

Kon Kan                 Peter Schilling
3 Doors Down            Pet Shop Boys
Alice In Chains         Lily Allen
Stone Temple Pilots     Camouflage               
Maroon 5                Matchbox Twenty              
The Killers             The Stone Roses                    
Third Eye Blind         Yaz  
Indecent Obsession      Orgy                         

And I will be adding Tones on Tail and OMD at the least.

Take Care-

Friday, October 8, 2010

How many days until Halloween?


It is Friday.

Yes, congratulations, it is another Friday.

Sorry I have not been feeling well as of late.  No, I am not apologizing to anyone about that.  I am feeling sorry for myself.  Again, my blog = my pity. Or whatever.

It is more of an emotional feeling-not-good than any more health deterioration.  I mean, yeah, there is that major, progressive downhill spiral - which is a big part of it - but I have been in a real mood-funk.

Yeah, I set up this blog thing to talk about my feelings and stuff, so I am.  *This* is one of those posts that I do not expect any feedback on. 'Cause I'm just letting out ramblings.

I had been in a playlist rut, so yesterday, I changed it up to try and lift my spirits.  Here is a sample:

  [196/4397] Sugarcubes - The Great Crossover Potential - Walkabout (Unknown:03:49)
  [197/7157] Daft Punk - Discovery - Nightvision (Club-House:01:44)
  [198/4393] Sugarcubes - The Great Crossover Potential - Planet (Unknown:03:24)
  [199/3498] Katy Perry - One Of The Boys - Thinking Of You (Adult Alternative Pop:04:06)
  [200/2240] Junkie XL - Saturday Teenage Kick - War (Big Beat:02:47)
  [201/52] Information Society - Information Society - Make It Funky (Dance:00:30)
  [202/3002] Ministry - Twelve Inch Singles - Nature Of Love (Cruelty Mix B) (Unknown:06:52)
  [203/6433] Yelle - Pop-Up - Les Femmes (Dance:04:15)
  [204/2548] Lords Of Acid - Greatest T*ts - [Kitty] (Unknown:04:05)
  [205/471] Basshunter - Now You're Gone The Album - Angel In The Night (Dance:03:23)
  [206/7125] Daft Punk - Discovery - Nightvision (Euro House:01:44)
  [207/2243] Junkie XL - Saturday Teenage Kick - Fight (Big Beat:05:38)
  [208/7273] Yelle - Pop-Up - Mon meillur ami (Dance:03:57)

It did not help.  I was _really_ down yesterday afternoon.

I think I have been alienating what few friends I have.  The real problem there is that I am not sure that is a bad thing.  Maybe some distance is what I need.

Oh, and sorry about the "Unknown"s there in the genre field.  I ought to update the tags, but... IDK.  Why?

So, pensive lately, or just staring into space.  I don't even know.  Sometimes I think I am thinking about stuff, but I am either loosing whatever it is that I was thinking about as soon as I come out of it, or I'm mistaken about having something on my mind.

Sometimes I just... have an emotion that I can't really describe.  It feels a little like loss, a little like I am misunderstood, a little like I don't want to be understood, a little like I should get over it, but just don't want to.  It's a weird feeling and I just want everyone to go away.

Yeah, I went to fencing last night.  I fenced, but really kept to myself when not on strip.  Not consciously, mind you, but it just happened that way.  Even on strip, I felt spotlighted and that really bothers me.  I was never so longing to just go back home.  That really bothers me to.  Should I be glad that these things are bothering me?  Does this mean I have not given up completely?  Maybe.

It is not that I feel like I have given up.  I don't know that I would know what it feels like to feel like I have given up.  What I really don't know is if I care if I give up.

Okay.  So.  Well, there it is.  Maybe I will follow this up with a more up-beat post shortly.

Until then,
Take Care-

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Nothing to see here

I was thinking, "you know?"  I often ask myself if I know without asking what I know.  But I went on. "I have had a bit on my mind.  I should probably probably blog it."

So I came here and saw that there were almost 40 page visits yesterday.  I was like "Whoa."

See, when I, like, post something that I am actually trying to get out there in the ethernets, AND I, like, tweet about it - Something like when I post more fiction on my Deviant Art (Yeah, that is it over on the right.  Hold down [CTRL] when you click on it so it will be sure to open in a new tab so you don't loose you place here.) - then I get a fair number of hits.

But it was like, a Tuesday.  I had not even made a new post.  But I had a fair number of hits on last Friday's page.  Weird.

So, why was I coming here to post?  What was I going to blog about?  It hardly seems relevant now.
[More like, you can't remember what it was.]
{Oh hush.  I remember, just not at the moment.}
[Uh, huh.  Sure.]
{Oh! Yeah.}

So, it is like, what, 4 in the morning now.  I tried sleeping.  Really, I did.
So, what do I do when I cannot sleep through the nightmares?  Most often, I try to grab hold of them, pick them apart, and that usually helps me move on or whatever.

Tonight, like many lately, they have been too.... intangible.  Just, like, random images of fire, death, decay and emotions of loss, hopelessness, fear, hate and a sense of pain and disease.

On nights like this, once I finally give up trying to sleep, I get up and do some yoga and try to meditate.  Let me rephrase that; I do meditate, but with varying degrees of success. Not that meditating is a win-loose endeavor, but I think that you get the picture.

So, I have Irish oats that I started yesterday that should be ready today (well, I hope so, because I am about to go have some when I am done with this post) and get some started for tomorrow.

It is times like this where I am permitted run of the kitchen-
[so long as you do not use any knives]
{so long as I do not use any knives}
-where I have gotten "creative" and kinda taught myself a thing or two about cooking.

In other blogs, I have talked about being in the kitchen and cooking being a group project. And that is all good and stuff.  I learned how to use the kitchen and the tools therein.  But to really experiment, you need to be alone, cooking for no one but yourself - free to make mistakes.

It is like a lot of things - free to make mistakes.  That is how we grow and learn and improve and master our world.

Somewhere else (yesterday, I think) I posted somewhere something about how the Earth is alive and she is strong and resilient, but that we need to clean her up.  Our Mum needs a makeover.  As a human race, we have been running wild.  We have been living the nightmares, battling with ourselves.  We-
[Oh, no.  You are not about to get all soap-boxy, are you?]
{Yes. Yes I am.}
We, need to give up the fighting; do a bit of yoga and meditation; get in the kitchen and put what we have to work for us.
We have learned so much over the millennia (milleniums? Whatever) and it is high time we put it to work for us.
No one is going to take care of the planet for us.  No one is going to come and clean our house.  No one is going to pick up after us.

Oh, yeah... that was bad.  Sorry.  I try not to get that way.  Hopefully I got it out of my system and will not need to go off like that again.  Ever.
Oh, well.

There were some other things I was thinking about discussing here, but they will wait for another post.

Um, then, well.... Have a good Wednesday.
[Say hump-day.]
{What? No.}
[Go on.  The rest of the week is down hill.  Say it.]
{No, I'm not going to do that.  People will think I mean... No.  Just (ew) no.}
{Whatever. I am going to ignore you.}

Take Care.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Oh, is this a Friday again?

I haz a Friday.

Well, lookie her.  Apparently I found the way to boost site traffic:
Talk about all kinds of weird and popular stuff.

Like, I could probably look at what the latest top google searches are on, and just talk about all of them.  Presto - my blog would show up among all the other completely useless and irrelevant search results.

Well, only useless to those searching for one of those popular search keywords.

Oh, was that it?

No, I haz a Friday.  No, sorry; a Fridai.  No... uhg.  I never did get the hang of that.

But, instead of talking about all the hot films, songs, tv shows, I am going to talk about...

*queue the dramatic music*


Let's hear it for the penguin.

I have been using LMDE (LinuxMint Debian Edition) for a while and am _really_ happy with it.

I am not going to bad mouth Ubuntu.  I mean, it is popular for a reason.  I do not know what that reason is (kidding) but it has its merits.  I mean, (shudder) even Micro$loth Windoze has its merits, and it is, like, at the bottom of the OS gene pool, eh?

So, what I really need to do is convince the peoplz what be that making a 64bit LMDE is worth while.

Constant updates?  Sure!  I like getting the new toys.  I like keeping my personal unit right there on the immediate up-to-date.  Risk?  Well, I have to justify my back-up paranoia some how, eh?

Ah, yeah, Dad, I really do need that 5TB NAS... for backups.  I am pulling testing/unstable packages every morning!  =^_^=

So, it looks around here I lot like this:
LMDE on my netbook  (Acer-one.  64bit cpu, dual core, 1gb ram.  Yeah, even with the wireless and the flash.)
LM Isadora Main 64bit on "our" workstation.  (This is the one we run all the virtual machines on.)
Zenwalk server on the file server.  Yeah... only very stable packages there.

So, there you have it.  A Friday post on Friday.

Take Care!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

More Fiction

So, a little while ago I linked to the 5 parts of the J&J series I have going there on Deviant Art.

Before those, I had posted a couple segments of a Sci-Fi short (or series) I was working on.

I have (finally) posted #3:

For reference, here are one and two:

So, feel free to head over there and have a look.  You never know, you may actually like it.  Stranger things have happened.

But, do read them in order, eh?  No need to be weird.

Take care.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Top Fifteen Rants on Film

Top Fifteen Rants on Film 

by  on 02-14-2009 at 02:23 AM (0 Views)
Top Fifteen Rants on Film (in no particular order that I will admit to*):
01) Dr. Walter Gibbs: [stops and turns back to Dillinger, visibly angry] That was uncalled for! You know, you can remove men like Alan and me from the system, but we helped create it! And our spirit remains in every program we design for this computer!
-- Tron

02) Christy: I heard your parents had to move here because you got kicked out of ten different schools?
Alan: I did not! [paused for a while] It was only two.
-- Small Soldiers

03) Gina: I'm finished speaking to both of you okay? You're both [eff]ing insane. You want to know what your problem is? MTV, Playboy, and Madison [eff]ing Avenue. Yes. Let me explain something to you, ok? Girls with big tits have big [tush]. Girls with little tits have little [tush]. That's the way it goes. G__ doesn't [eff] around; he's a fair guy. He gave the fatties big, beautiful tits and the skinnies little tiny niddlers. It's not my rule. If you don't like it, call him. Hey Mitch. Thank you.
[Looking at a porn magazine]
Gina: Oh, guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite. Oh, you like that?
Tommy: I could go along with that.
Gina: Yeah, that's nice right? Well, it doesn't exist ok. Look at the hair. The hair is long, it's flowing, it's like a river. Well, it's a [eff]ing weave ok? And the tits, please! I could hang my overcoat on them. Tits by design were invented to be suckled by babies. Yes, they're purely functional. These are silicon city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being too unruly and all. Very key. This is a mockery, this is a sham, this is bull[poop]. Implants, collagen, plastic, capped teeth, the fat sucked out, the hair extended, the nose fixed, the bush shaved... These are not real women, all right? They're beauty freaks. And they make all us normal women with our wrinkles, our puckered boobs, hi bob, and our cellulite feel somehow inadequate. Well I don't buy it, all right? But you [eff]ing mooks, if you think that if there's a chance in hell that you'll end up with one of these women, you don't give us real women anything approaching a commitment. It's pathetic. I don't know what you think you're going to do. You're going to end up eighty-years old, drooling in some nursing home, then you're going to decide, it's time to settle down, get married, have kids? What, are you going to find a cheerleader? Charge it Mitch.
Tommy: I think you're over simplifying.
Gina: Oh eat me. Look at Paul. With his models on the wall, his dog named Elle McPherson. He's insane. He's obsessed. You're all obsessed. If you had an once of self-esteem, of self-worth, of self-confidence, you would realize that as trite as it may sound, beauty is truly skin-deep. And you know what, if you ever did hook one of those girls, I guarantee you'd be sick of her.
Tommy: Yeah, I suppose I'd get sick of her after about, what, twenty or thirty years?
Gina: Get over yourself. Thank you Mitch. Say hello to Gertrude.
Tommy: What?
Gina: No mater how perfect the nipple, how supple the thigh, unless there is some other **** going on in the relationship, besides the physical, it's going to get old, ok? And you guys, as a gender, have got to get a grip. Otherwise, the future of the human race is in jeopardy.
Willie Conway: What was that?
Tommy: I don't know, but a great [tush].
Willie Conway: Nice tits. Come on let's go.
-- Beautiful Girls **

04) Mal: This report is maybe twelve years old. Parliament buried it, and it stayed buried till River dug it up. This is what they feared she knew. And they were right to fear because there’s a whole universe of folk who are gonna know it, too. They’re gonna see it. Somebody has to speak for these people. You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place. So now I’m asking more of you than I have before. Maybe all. Sure as I know anything I know this, they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten, they’ll swing back to the belief that they can make people…better. And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to misbehave.
-- Serenity

 Rosencrantz: Did you ever think of yourself as actually dead, lying in a box with a lid on it?
Guildenstern: No.
Rosencrantz: Nor do I, really. It's silly to be depressed by it. I mean, one thinks of it like being alive in a box. One keeps forgetting to take into account the fact that one is dead, which should make all the difference, shouldn't it? I mean, you'd never know you were in a box, would you? It would be just like you were asleep in a box. Not that I'd like to sleep in a box, mind you. Not without any air. You'd wake up dead, for a start, and then where would you be? In a box. That's the bit I don't like, frankly. That's why I don't think of it. Because you'd be helpless, wouldn't you? Stuffed in a box like that. I mean, you'd be in there forever, even taking into account the fact that you're dead. It isn't a pleasant thought. Especially if you're dead, really. Ask yourself, if I asked you straight off, "I'm going to stuff you in this box. Now, would you rather be alive or dead?" Naturally, you'd prefer to be alive. Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance, at least. You could lie there thinking, "Well. At least I'm not dead. In a minute somebody is going to bang on the lid, and tell me to come out." [bangs on lid] "Hey, you! What's your name? Come out of there!"
[Long pause]
Guildenstern: I think I'm going to kill you.
-- Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead

06) Craig: There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
Maxine: Sounds delightful. Who the [eff] is John Malkovich?
Craig: He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Maxine: What's he been in?
Craig: Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the Buddha right, is duality an illusion? Do you see what a can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it. There's only one thing to do. Let's get married right away.
-- Being John Malkovich

07) Ellie Arroway: Because I can't. I had an experience. I can't prove it. I can't just explain it. But everything that I know as a human being, everything that I am tells me that it was real. I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever: a vision of the universe that tells us undeniably how tiny and insignificant and how rare and precious we all are. A vision that tells us that we belong to something that is greater than ourselves, that we are not - that none of us is alone. I wish I could share that emotion, that everyone, if even for one moment, could feel that awe and humility and that hope that I felt, but... that continues to be my wish.
-- Contact

08) Helicopter Pilot: So you don't like flyin', huh? This is nothin'! You shoulda been with us five, six months back! Whoa, talk about puke! We ran into a hailstorm over the Sea of Japan! Everyone was retchin' his guts out! The pilot shot his lunch all over the windshield, and I barfed on the radio - knocked it right out! It wasn't that lightweight stuff, either, it was that chunky, industrial-weight puke! [proferring a candy bar] Wanna bite?
-- The Hunt for Red October

09) Mathilda: My parents... d-died in a car accident about four weeks ago. It was terrible.
Headmistress: You know, we didn't have the time to get to know one another when you first came here. But I want you to know that I'm not the kind of woman that would let down a child — no matter what her situation, no matter what her mistake. So I'm going to help you and do my best to welcome you here again. But on one condition: you have to stop lying to me, Mathilda. I want you to take a chance, and trust me, and tell me what happened to you.
Mathilda: Okay. My family got shot down by D.E.A. officers because of a drug problem. I left with the greatest guy on earth. He was a hit man — the best in town. But he died this morning... and if you don't help me, I'll be dead by tonight.
-- Léon

10) I’m Hub McCann. I’ve fought in two world wars, and countless smaller ones on three continents. I’ve led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I’ve seen the headwaters of the Nile and tribes of natives no white men had ever seen before. I’ve won and lost a dozen fortunes, killed many men, and loved only one woman with a passion a flea like you could never begin to understand. That’s who I am.
-- Second-hand Lions

 Joan: You should write these kiss-offs down. How to crush a woman's soul in ten words or less. That was ten, wasn't it? (counting) You're-terrific-Sensational-really-but-I'm-not-right-for-you. Yep. Ten..
-- Playing By Heart

12) McCord: Man, why do I gotta be the guy tells the kids there's no Santa Claus? OK, look. You're...Well, you're not like me. I mean, you're not... human. I mean, you're human, but you just, you're not real. You're not, like, a real person. Like me. You're clones. You're copies of people out here in the world.
-- The Island

13) Martin: I just honestly don't know what I have in common with those people anymore... or with anyone, really. I mean, they'll all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they'll have made themselves a part of something, and they can talk about what they do. And what am I going to say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?" I just think it'll be depressing.
-- Grosse Pointe Blank

14) Johnny Mnemonic: Listen. You listen to me. You see that city over there? THAT'S where I'm supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and the [eff]ing last month's newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. I've had it with them, I've had it with you, I've had it with ALL THIS - *I want ROOM SERVICE*! I want the club sandwich, I want the cold Mexican beer, I want a $10,000-a-night hooker! I want my shirts laundered... like they do... at the Imperial Hotel... in Tokyo.
-- Johnny Mnemonic ##

15) Danny:
This band behind me'll tell you that that trophy means more to me than owt else in the whole world. But they'd be wrong! Truth is, I THOUGHT it mattered. I thought that MUSIC mattered. But does it bollocks? Not compared to how people matter. Us winning this trophy won't mean bugger-all to most people. But us refusing it - like what we're going to do now - well, then it becomes news, doesn't it?
[flurry of press camera shutters]
You see what I mean. That way, I'll not just be talking to myself, will I? Because over the last ten years, this bloody government has systematically destroyed an entire industry. OUR industry. And not just our industry - our communities, our homes, our lives. All in the name of "progress". And for a few lousy bob. I'll tell you something else you might not know, as well. A fortnight ago, this band's pit were closed - another thousand men lost their jobs. And that's not all they lost. Most of them lost the will to win a while ago. A few of them even lost the will to fight. But when it comes to losing the will to live, to breathe, the point is - if this lot were seals or whales, you'd all be up in bloody arms. But their not, are they, no, no they're not. They're just ordinary common-or-garden honest, decent human beings. And not one of them with an ounce of bloody hope left. Oh aye, they can knock out a bloody good tune. But what the [eff] does that matter?
[gasps emotionally, close to tears]
And now I'm going to take my boys out onto the town. Thank you.
[rapturous applause]
-- Brassed Off ++

* I generally like for the last one on the list (number fifteen, for those of you who have been following along) to be the one that lingers in your mind.

** I hope I censored everything... that needed to be. I let tit and its variants go. I hope that is okay.

## Yeah, I did this one before, somewhere... but is it just awesomeness and stuff

++ This is an amazing film. If you are a human being, or know anyone who is, you should see it. If you are unsure if you should see it or not, err on the side of caution and see it. If you think that you may be too old, young, inhuman, crotchety to see it, see it anyway. If you have seen it, and do not think that simply everyone in the universe should see it, see it again because you were not paying attention. If someone asks you, "Hey, do you know any films I should see?" tell them, "Yes, in fact, see this one." If there is any part of you that remains unclear on whether or not I think you should see this picture, see it and decide for your self. If you understand all this and are thinking to yourself, "I would, but I am not the kind of person who watches anything," then watch this one. If you are not a human being, and are thinking to yourself, "I would maybe watch it, but I don't think I even know any human beings," just watch it because obviously you are insane. If this kind of production is simply not your cup of tea, that is fine. Watch it anyway; I'm not asking you to like it, just to watch it. Now. What are you waiting for?