Thanksgiving

So, yeah... I have not updated in a little while.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Breakfast: haggis and eggs
Lunch: Beer bread, onion bread, broccoli-rice casserole, spinach salad, cornbread dressing and grilled salmon, trout, crab.

Dinner: Seafood dip (mostly crab) with celery/crackers, cucumber sandwiches, bread pudding.

Tomorrow: Leftovers.  =^ᴗ^=

Cleaning A Room My Way

So, Claire was supposed to clean her room, and I wanted to hang out with her, so I was like, "Hey, I'll help."  "Sure," she said.
When the first thing I did was strip her bedding, and disassembled her bed while she put her bedding in the wash, she got the idea that I take cleaning seriously.  After we cleaned the area under her bed where her bed goes and cleaned all the bed parts, she decided that we may as well rearrange things. 
You know, it only takes a moment to takes the draws out of a dresser to give it a good cleaning.  We did the baseboards while everything was displaced.  We did the corners of the walls.  I got up on Claire's shoulders to reach up to the ceiling.  We took everything our of the closet and cleaned it from top to bottom too.  Her parents flipped out. 

But, you know, you dig things up, when you clean this way.  She had a shoebox with old notes from friends at school.  I made the mistake of reading one.
You know how it is when you only hear one side of a conversation... like, only hearing the response to a comment, not the comment itself?  But the reply is such that there is a lot that could be inferred about the nature of the initial comment.  Well, in brief, as luck would have it, I picked up one of the worst notes I possibly could have picked up.  This was kind soon after school started last year.  It was from a guy she knows... apparently continuing some kind of debate about yours truly.
    "No, /I/ don't think she's hot because she puts out.  I think her "friends" do. Who knows what all's been up in that?  I think she /could/ be hot if she didn't look like a 4th grader... and hadn't 'been there,' you know."
    It hurt.  I know they didn't know me (obviously, they didn't know me, because anyone who does, knows I don't/didn't/haven't), but it still hurt... a lot.  I knew there were all sorts of nasty rumours running around about me, but...  Now, these people are (kinda) my friends.  They _do_ know me know and don't think that way about me ... any more.  But it hurt.  It was -- sobering(?) -- though, to see the pain that Claire felt for me seeing that.  Mercy that was awkward.  There was a lot of crying involved all round.  I tried to lighten the mood by joking, "So, he thinks I'll be hot when I grow up."
    She said that he got over the 4th grader-looking-like issue.  I said I didn't wanna know more.
    She hugged me.  I hugged her back.  That surprised us both.  I don't complain any more when she hugs me, but... well... I have 'touching' issues, you know.  Nothing like a little shared pain to bring people closer, eh?
    We got back to work, but didn't really talk for a while.  We both needed a little time, but it was nice to know she was there.

    All things considered, it could have gone much, much worse.

Take Care -
LQ

The Trust Game

My friend Claire introduced me to... the trust game... as she calls it.
She said she had this idea while we were in her room reading. The idea is this:
We are sitting on the floor, facing each other. She told me to close my eyes. Then, she puts her hands on the sides of my face.
Major personal space alarms going off.
Then she brushes her thumbs over my eye lids. Then she presses her thumbs a little more firmly onto my eyes.

Then she sat back and said that it was my turn and closed her eyes.

This was really weird. I asked what I was supposed to do. She said "whatever." So, I started to do the same thing with the eyes that she did to me. I, apparently, do not trust myself as much as I trust Claire.

It is ten 'til 5 in the morning. We were up 'til 2. I spent the night with Claire. I have been up for over an hour, mostly just watching her sleep, wondering which of us misunderstands me the most.

Another question thingie (Ooh! What will it reveal about me?!)

There was sarcasm in that title - hidden... somewhere... see if you can find it.

Outcast
[x] You don't have very many friends.
[ ] Often times, teachers forget your name.
[x] You were always picked last for kickball.
[x] You don't like to talk a lot.
[x] You tend to avoid mass social activities.
[x] You don't participate in any extracurricular activities.
[x] All you wish for is to move away or get a fresh start.  (kinda done that)
[x] Your friends have blown you off before.
[x] You sit alone in most of your classes. (especially now that I am home schooled)
[x] You have a feeling that once you leave high school or college, nobody is going to remember you.  (or HOPE not)
[x] You hold interest in activities that other people find strange.
[x] People don't find you friendly.
[ ] You hold extreme hate towards another high school stereotype.
[x] You eat alone at lunch.  (again - especially now that I am home schooled)
Total = 12

Party Girl/Boy
[ ] Lets face it: you like to party.
[ ] You party every other weekend.
[ ] ...Or every weekend?
[ ] You've been going to frat house parties since early high school.
[ ] You're the defending beer bong champion.
[ ] You know the best hook-ups in the state... world.
[ ] Everybody who's anybody goes to the same parties you go to.
[ ] You've hooked up at parties.
[x] You spend time getting ready for parties.  :le pout:
[ ] You've passed out from being too drunk.
[ ] You've partied all night.
[ ] You've snuck out of the house to party.
[ ] Actually, your parents really don't care if you party or not.
[ ] You're pretty much nocturnal.
[ ] You like to go clubbing.
[ ] You and your friends always party hop.
[ ] You've crashed a party before.
[ ] One way or another, you've wound up naked in front of everybody at a party.  (Mercy, I hope not)
[ ] You've thrown up from drinking too much.
[ ] You've done something that you regret at a party.
[ ] You can dance.
[x] You're friends with a lot of people older than you.  (By % of friends, not count)

Total = 2

Scene Kid
[ ] You know what sXe and hXc actually mean.  :le what?:
[ ] You have a obsession with dinosaurs, robots, and Pokemon.
[ ] You idolize Jeffree Starr
[ ] People have called you scene before.
[ ] You spend at least an hour getting ready to take pictures of yourself for your myspace.
[ ] You have a mirror pic.
[ ] You listen to bands that most people have never heard of.
[ ] You enjoy going to shows.
[ ] You only go to shows for the sake of going to shows, not the music.
[ ] Your hair is multicolored.   (not at the moment)
[ ] You accessorize your hair with kiddie barrettes and bows.
[ ] Fashion is one of the most important things that define you.
[ ] You mosh.
[x] You often mix vintage with modern.
[ ] Your myspace picture captions are sad lyrics to sad songs.
[ ] All of your friends are scene.
[ ] You don't know many of the people on your friends list in person.
[ ] You take angled pictures of yourself.
[x] You enjoy photography.
Total = 2

Prep
[ ] You pop the collar.
[ ] You won't go near the "goths".
[x] You own at least one thing from a designer store.   (But it is not my fault)
[x] You are very clean cut. (? Yeah, most are very clean)
[x] You are squeamish.
[ ] People have called you preppy before.
[ ] You never leave the house without putting on cologne/perfume.
[ ] You have a lot of money.
[ ] You know who LC is.
[ ] You watch shows like The OC, The Real World, The Hills, and Laguna Beach.
[ ] One favorite stores are Abercrombie & Fitch or American Eagle Outfitters.
[ ] You're afraid to set foot into Hot Topic.
[ ] (Girls) You carry a purse wherever you go.
[ ] You need to wake up at least an hour before school so you can get ready.
[ ] (Girls) You do not leave the house without make up.
[ ] You are content overall with how your life is going.
Total = 3

Band Geek
[ ] You have played an instrument before.
[ ] You still play an instrument.
[ ] You are/were in regular Band.
[ ] You are/were in Jazz Band.
[ ] You are/were in Marching Band.
[ ] You've never dated anybody outside of Band.
[ ] Most of your friends are in band.
[ ] The band room/band hall is your second home.
[x] You enjoy listening to Classical music on occasion.
[ ] You aspire to be a Drum Major.
[ ] You've made out with somebody on a Band bus or at a Band competition.
[ ] You have trouble getting your non-band friends to go near the band room.
[ ] Band is your favorite class.
[ ] You have been to band camp.
[ ] You walk in step with all your friends.
[ ] You talk about band constantly.
[ ] You know that American Pie has got it all wrong.
[ ] You hate rap music.
[ ] Marching Season is your favorite time of year.
[ ] When you go to football games, you don't really pay attention to the game itself.
[ ] Your favorite jokes are band jokes.
[ ] You know it's not about the bloods and the crips: it's the brass and the woodwinds.
Total = 1

Thespian
[ ] You have seen in a school play.
[ ] You have seen a Broadway musical
[ ] You like to act.
[ ] You have participated in a school play.
[ ] You have participated in a play outside of school.
[ ] You have gone to the Thespian Conference.
[x] You get ticked off when people make that thespian, "Did you say lesbian?" joke. 
[ ] You have done tech.
[x] You know that you cannot touch anybody else's props.  (on many levels that have nothing to do with theatre.)
[ ] You have played in the pit orchestra for a musical.
[ ] You have been to a cast party.
[ ] You are in a thespian troupe.
[ ] You often sing show tunes at the top of your lungs.
[ ] You know who Idina Menzel and Johnathan Larson are.
[ ] At one point in your life, you were obsessed with RENT.
[ ] You do not have a personal bubble.
[ ] You actually understand Shakespeare.
[ ] You know how to put on stage make up.
[ ] You have been a lead.
[ ] You met a lot of your better friends through theatre.
Total = 2

Overachiever
[ ] You participate in a lot of extracurricular activities.
[ ] You have a part-time job.
[ ] You have straight As.
[ ] You are in mostly honors/IB/AP classes.
[ ] You do not procrastinate.
[ ] You have scored a 5 on an AP test.
[x] You do not have very much down time.
[ ] You are very organized. (I try. I wish.)
[ ] You always have a thousand things going on at once.
[ ] You are in a relationship.
[ ] You aspire to get into an Ivy League School.
[ ] In your extracurriculars, you hold leadership positions.
[ ] You are/were on Student Council.
[ ] You are/were the class president.
[ ] You are/were a class officer.
[ ] You are/were the Salutatorian for your class.
[ ] You are/were the Valedictorian for your class.
[ ] People have told you that you didn't have a life.
[ ] You are getting/have already received the IB Diploma.
[ ] You cry hysterically when you get anything lower than an A on anything.
Total = 1

Slacker
[ ] Your grades are slipping.
[ ] You always wait until the last minute to do big projects.
[ ] You are an overall procrastinator.
[ ] You tend to do your homework when you're watching TV.
[ ] It takes you ages to turn your job applications in.
[ ] You are often late to school/work.
[ ] You don't turn in a lot of your work.
[ ] You spend the majority of your time watching TV, the computer or going on Myspace when you could be doing something more productive.
[ ] You sleep in past noon on the weekends and during the summer.
[ ] You do not get out of your pajamas unless you have to leave the house.
[ ] You could walk, but you'll just drive.
[x] You have fallen asleep during class before.
[ ] Friends have called you lazy.
[ ] Life is hard when you lose the remote & you have to walk a million miles over to the TV and change the channel.
[ ] When you hang out with your friends, the majority of your time is spent playing video games or doing something where neither of you have to stand up.
[x] You have eaten an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting.
[ ] You have sat through an entire running marathon of a show before.
Total = 2

Goth
[ ] Your wardrobe consists of mostly black things.  (meh)
[ ] When you have the money, you shop at Hot Topic.
[ ] You think tattoos are hot.
[ ] You think odd piercings are hot.
[ ] You don't get along with your parents.
[x] You have/want to dyed/dye your hair an exotic color.
[ ] You've styled your hair in liberty spikes.
[x] Sometimes you ponder the meaning of life and death.
[ ] You like to write dark poetry.
[ ] You are into S&M.
[x] You have a pair of over sized black pants. (snow pants.  they go on over everything.)
[x] At one point in your life, you liked Foamy, Happy Bunny, Emily the Strange, and the Happy Tree Friends.
[ ] You listen to grunge.
[x] You have a messenger bag with buttons up and down the straps.  (Well, more of a backpack)
[ ] You smoke cigarettes.
[ ] You will only date other Goths.
[x] You don't really care what people think about you.
[x] Overly happy people scare you.
[ ] You like black makeup & nail polish best.  (meh)
Total = 7

Nerd
[x] You actually study for tests and quizzes.
[ ] You have straight As.
[ ] You haven't had any luck with the opposite sex.  (Oh, I had luck... BAD luck.)
[ ] You are into WoW, Magic Cards, and Halo.
[x] You over analyze jokes to the point where they aren't funny anymore.
[x] Your mom buys your clothes for you.
[ ] You actually answer the questions in class.
[ ] You sit front row center in all of your classes to get the best learning experience.
[ ] You miss school during the summer.
[ ] You wear your pants at your waist.  (okay, I am not marking X here because I know what is really being asked.)
[ ] You prefer sweatpants to jeans.
[ ] You have a pocket protector in your shirt with pens and a calculator in it.
[ ] You let cute boys/girls take advantage of you & copy your homework in hopes of getting noticed.
[x] You've noticed some of the spelling and grammar mistakes in this survey.  (Hahaha....)
[ ] People always cheat off you during tests.
[ ] Your parents pack your lunch for you every day.
[ ] You wear/should be wearing glasses.
Total = 4

Garage Band Junkie
[ ] You play the guitar
[ ] You have been in a garage band before.
[ ] You're still in a garage band.
[ ] You think your band is going to make it big someday.
[ ] You play shows almost weekly.
[ ] You play the drum set.
[ ] You sing vocals for a band.
[ ] You write your own lyrics.
[ ] You spend hundreds on amps and microphones.
[ ] Your band has a myspace page.
[ ] You have been in multiple garage bands.
[ ] You have changed the name of your band at least twice.
[ ] You have participated in a battle of the bands.
[ ] Your band has been signed.
[ ] You have taken guitar classes at school.
[ ] You have played at the same venue multiple times.
[ ] You would rather make it big than have to go to college.
[ ] You have musical talent.
[ ] You have groupies.
[ ] You've made t-shirts and other apparel for your band.
Total = 0

Gangsta
[ ] You actually are black.
[ ] You know who the bloods and the crips are.
[ ] You wear doo-rags.
[ ] You actually grew up in the ghetto.
[ ] You can freestyle.
[ ] You drive down the street blaring your music.
[ ] Your ride is pimped out with stereo boosts.
[ ] You can break dance.
[ ] You say "nigga" a lot.
[ ] You talk too fast for people to understand you.
[ ] You are pretty chill with life.
[ ] You wear your jeans oversized and below your butt.
[x] Old school rap is the best.  (... of the rap.  I like me some RUN DMC.)
[ ] You know that Tupac will never die.
[ ] You wear bling.
[ ] You have/want a custom grill.
[ ] You have custom rims on your tires.
[ ] You are actually in a gang.
[ ] You are always big pimpin'.
Total = 1

Emo
[x] You often have trouble convincing people that you aren't emo.
[ ] You comb your hair over one of your eyes.  (never that long)
[ ] You flip your hair often.  ^poke above
[ ] You have dark-rimmed glasses.
[x] You have hurt your self on purpose.  (Oh, mercy... I should have known this would be on here.)
[ ] If you're a boy, people often complain about your pants being too tight.
[x] You don't really smile too often.
[ ] You blog often.
[x] You never smile in pictures.
[ ] You listen to Thursday and/or Sunny Day Real Estate.
[x] You're too much of a pussy to be a goth.
[ ] You own a lot of band t-shirts.
[x] You go to a lot of shows.
[ ] You only go for emo/scene boys and girls.
[ ] It doesn't take very much to make you cry.
[ ] You have played all the Emo Games.  (Are these like Reindeer Games?)
[x] You have worn black eyeliner before.
[ ] You own a bandana which you wear in your hair.
[x] You have dark hair.
[ ] You love the emo song.  (What's the emo song?)
[ ] You say stuff like "I feel like my heart's being ripped out" and all.  (Ouch. no.)
Total = 8  (8?!!?)

Skatepunk
[ ] You own/ed a skateboard.
[ ] You have been skateboarding since you were in grade school.
[ ] You have gotten many injuries from skateboarding.
[x] You know that World Industries and Element aren't just clothing lines.
[ ] You have vandalized public property.
[ ] You have TPed/egged somebody's house before.
[x] You have been yelled at for loitering.
[x] You have gotten in trouble with the cops.
[x] You listen to punk rock.
[ ] Chicks on skateboards are hot.  (This is to see if I am skatepunk, or lesbian?)
[ ] You stick it to the man.
[x] You own skater shoes.
[ ] You watch MTV2, not MTV.
[ ] You enjoy crude humor.
[ ] Screw school, lets do crazy stuff.
[x] You know that there are other pro skaters out there besides Tony Hawk.
[ ] You pretty much live at the skate park.
[ ] Hygiene does not concern you.   (Oh, mercy!  I gotta wash my eyes for reading that!)
[ ] Skater boys are attractive.
Total = 6

Metalhead
[x] Most people are scared of your music.  (Some of it, yeah.  Mercy, even I am.  (wait, that does not make sense.))
[x] A lot of the bands you like have violent names/titles/lyrics.
[x] You hate emo kids.
[x] You have gotten kicked out of a public place multiple times before.
[x] Slipknot isn't really metal.
[x] You appreciate really good guitarists of any genre, particularly flamenco.
[ ] You hate pop and rap.
[ ] You spend all your money on music-related stuff.
[ ] Scene kids are fun to laugh at.  (I almost checked this one, but I don't laugh, so.... no.)
[ ] You will become friends with anyone if they like the same bands.
[ ] You curse a lot.  (Define a lot?  Define curse?)
[x] You can name at least five sub genres of metal.  (oops.  I didn't think I could.)
[x] You wore black converses before they became emo.
[x] At least one of your favorite bands thinks they're Vikings.  (They are from Norway?)
[x] You also like classic rock, such as Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd.
[ ] You have yelled at someone for their taste in music.
Total = 10  (That was unexpected.)

Results
Outcast-             12
Party Girl/Boy-  2
Scene Kid-         2
Prep-                 3
Band Geek-       1
Thespian-          2
Overachiever-   1
Slacker-            2
Goth-                 7
Nerd-                 4
Garage Band Junkie-  0
Gangsta-           1
Emo-                 8  (Oh, the shame!)
Skatepunk-       6
Metalhead-       10

Top Fifteen Motivational Quotes

Top Fifteen Motivational Quotes (Yeah, motivational)(in no particular order that I will admit to):
01) "Pressure is nothing more than the shadow of great opportunity."
- Michael Johnson
02) "Most people run a race to see who is fastest. I run a race to see who has the most guts."
- Steve Prefontaine
03) "What matters is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
04) "Your imagination, my dear fellow, is worth more than you imagine."
- Louis Aragon
05) "You will never leave where you are, until you decide where you'd rather be."
- Dexter Yager
06) "You never will be the person you can be if pressure, tension and discipline are taken out of your life."
- Dr. James G. Bilkey
07) "The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital."
- Joe Paterno
08) "The years teach much which the days never knew."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
09) "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
- T. S. Eliot
10) "Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher."
- Japanese Proverb
11) "Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in."
- Alan Alda
12) "There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience."
- French Proverb
13) "The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary."
- Vidal Sassoon (yeah, the "if you don't look good, we don't look good" guy)
14) "Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to solve them."
- Henry Ford
15) "It hurts up to a point and then it doesn't get any worse."
- Ann Trason

Top Fifteen Hermione Granger Quotes

Top Fifteen Hermione Granger Quotes (in no particular order that I will admit to)
01) Is that really what my hair looks like from the back?
02) [laughing, mocking Professor Trelawney] Broaden your minds! Use your inner eye to see the future!
03) Yes, you must! Harry, you're in Hagrid's hut now. If you just go bursting in you'll think you've gone mad! Awful things happen to wizards who've meddled with time. We can't be seen.
04) The *point* is, we know the truth. Please believe us.
05) With a patronus? I heard Snape telling Dumbledore. According to him, only a really powerful wizard could've conjured it.
06) This is a time turner, Harry. McGonagall gave it to me first term. This is how I've been getting to my lessons all year.
07) He really is out there, isn't he? We've got to be able to defend ourselves. And if Umbridge refuses to teach us how, we need someone who will. (I think that one line replaced like two chapters in the book)
08) Who cares? I mean, it's sort of exciting, isn't it, breaking the rules.
09) That foul, evil old gargoyle! We're not learn how to defend ourselves, we're not learning how to pass our O.W.L.s. She's taking over the entire school!
10) Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon.
11) Stop, stop stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's Levi-OH-sa, not Levio-SA.
12) You've got dirt on your nose. Did you know? Just there.
13) Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good, is it?
14) Next time there's a ball pluck up the courage to ask me before someone else does! And not as a last resort!
15) Now if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you can come up with another clever idea to get us all killed - or worse, expelled.

There are more, but some of her best lines are in the last couple books.

Top Fifteen Comical or Amusing Quotes

Top Fifteen Comical or Amusing Quotes (in no particular order that I will admit to):
01) "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it." - Groucho Marx
02) "Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight" - Johnny Cash
03) "I like a man who grins when he fights." - Winston Churchill
04) "The Linux philosophy is 'Laugh in the face of danger'. Oops. Wrong One. 'Do it yourself'. Yes, that's it." - Linus Torvalds
05) "Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true." - Niels Bohr
06) "We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming." - Wernher von Braun
07) "Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes." - Edsger Dijkstra
08) "Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing." - Robert Benchley
09) Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality. - fortune
10) "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." - Albert Einstein
11) "Life is hard. After all, it kills you." - Katharine Hepburn
12) "I was the kid next door's imaginary friend." - Emo Philips
13) "I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else." - Lily Tomlin
14) "If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way." - Mark Twain
15) "Either he's dead or my watch has stopped." - Groucho Marx

Ok... I know a couple of these are from movies, but come on... they are good.

Visit with Mum (Part 1?)

Hi.
For the past few days, I have been at Mum's.  The gist of it is:
1) This past summer was the first that I did not stay with her since the split up.
2) About 4 times a year I have to come here for the medical resources.  I am beginning to think that I can get the same care more local, but I am not going to get into that.
3) Travel will be soon a bit sketchier, so visiting while I can.

Monday was kinda like Drs of one kind or another all day.  (How hard can it be to draw blood from someone you can practically see through?  I don't need an x-ray, just hold me up in front of a candle.)
Yesterday we shopped.  I am not big on shopping, but it was okay.

Last night, over Chinese take-out, we had an interesting conversation.
We had /the/ sex talk a long time ago, but it had been years since we just talked about sex and relationships.  It just had not really been relevant, you know?  By the time it became (parts of it) relevant I was with Dad - and Dad & my relationship is more conducive to that kind of conversation. -- and in that parental communicative way, they shared notes.
So Mum was all like:
Is there a guy you like?
Nope.
Surely someone you fancy...
Nope.
...think is hot stuff?
Nope.
Not even a little crush?
Nope
A girl?
Nope.
Not even a little crush?
Okay, yeah, Mum, maybe.
Really? A girl? Do I know her?
Yeah, you do. - I said with a grin so she would not take it harshly - You slept with her.
She blushed.   (I think I (euphemistically) used the word "slept" - which is ironic because I slept with her too, but literally.  Long story.) It was true. I have a crush, if you will, a non-sexual girl-crush on my Mum's first girlfriend.
Then I was like:
You know how I feel about Amy (<-- not her real name, by the way).  I love her very much, but I'm not having "romantic" feelings towards her or anyone.
No one?
No one.
What about Clair?  (<-- not her real name, by the way)
We're just friends Mum.  And she likes boys.
Does she have a boyfriend?
Nope.
You know, I married your father, and I still love him very much, but...
Not every girl in the world is secretly gay.  And just because I am scared of boys, doesn't mean I'm a lesbian too.  (Oh, Mum's lesbian.  I went on.)  Which would be okay if I was, but I am just nothing, okay?
Okay.
Really?
Okay.
Good.
But who do you find attractive?
(mental uhg.  I rolled my eyes and through my fortune cookie at her.)
Then we named celebrities that we thought were good looking.
Dad and I would sit sometimes watching people walk by and point out who we thought was good looking and I would punch him whenever he looked at a girl that was too young for him.  Same sort of thing.  But without the punching.

I can appreciate a good looking person, boy or girl, but once I start to think about a guy being a guy.... and the anatomical ramifications of that... I freak out.  There are people, guys, I have a very hard time being in the same room with because of this phenomenon.  Sometimes I even get that way with Dad.  Usually I just go to my room, other times I can't move and he has to leave the room.  That reminds me of another story, that is still to new to not be funny yet.  But I digress.

So, convinced that I had an eye for pretty people, but no juicy stories to tell Mum, we started talking about her relationships.  She has had a hard time of things.  She never really came out, you know?  Not publicly.  So I got to hear about her triumphs and frustrations.  She expressed that she felt a little like a bad parent for having this kind of talk with me.  She decided that it does not bother her that she will have no grandkids.
Oh - in case you did not know, I will not be reproducing.  Aint gonna happen.

We did talk a little about the lack of physiological progress I am making and how I do not care to get medical treatment for it.  I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by not having started puberty.  We had been through all this before and I have enough to worry about.  So, Mum was like, it is no wonder you have no interest in sex.

Well, that is a big part of it.  I can't talk about my inner fears with her, or anyone.  Not really.  I can say that I _have_ them, but not what they are.  It is not my intention to withhold this from her, from my shrink, even from Dad and my friends.  There is just something in there... that rotten place I call my mind... that shuts me down.  I tried, you know?  I really tried to share with her, but I locked up.  She called Dad and let me sleep it off.  When I woke up we had ice cream.

I could go on, but Mum is up and making breakfast.  I should go make sure she does not do anything weird with it.

This is all TMI as is, but I am going to post it right quick and edit it later.  It is not like anyone reads it anyway.

Take Care
LQ

Shopping Day

I am not big on shopping.  I am missing that bone in my head that all girls have that makes me want to shop.  I am such a guy that way.

So, while I am out...
Top Fifteen Quotes (in no particular order that I will admit to):
Philosophical:
01) "I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book." - Groucho Marx
02) "Eating words has never given me indigestion." - Winston Churchill
03) "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat." - Winston Churchill
04) "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." - Winston Churchill
05) "Don't join the book burners. Do not think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed." - Dwight Eisenhower
06) "Why do you think the old stories tell of men who set out on great journeys to impress the gods? Because trying to impress people just isn't worth the time and effort." - Henry Rollins
07) "Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on." - Henry Rollins
08) "Keep your blood clean, your body lean, and your mind sharp." - Henry Rollins
09) "What you do speaks so loud I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
10) "I've never been competitive with anybody but myself." - Ice T
11) "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams
12) "I do not feel obliged to believe that the same G__ who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." - Galileo Galilei
13) "My mother said to me, "If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope." Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso." - Pablo Picasso
14) "Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone." - Pablo Picasso
15) "Honesty is very sexy." - Valerie Bertinelli

Take Care
LQ

Halloween Candy is Not the Same

So.....
My favourite "standard" Halloween candy had been 3 Musketeers.  (Ever notice how the Musketeers are know for their swordsmanship?)
But, for the last 6 years or so, chocolate has been on my "cannot eat" list.

Coffee is too (well, on my do not _drink_ list) but I cheat sometimes.  (Okay, coco too, but no where near as much nor as recent.)

So, I was at this Halloween party Sat night.  And there was my tempter... a bucket o' 3Musketeers.

And there I was, sitting next to someone eating a 3M.

And, little rebel that I am, I was looking at it with all the fond memories of childhood full of 3M eating, loads of those little ones, every Halloween.

And I got one.  I took a bite.

It did not taste good at all.  Then I tried to think of how long it had been since I had chocolate.  I could not even finish it.

It was some time later and my tummy revolted, and it made for an unpleasant day of travel yesterday.

I can't believe how dense I can be sometimes.

Anywho, yeah, I am feeling better.
Take Care
LQ

Happy Halloween

As the subject says, Happy Halloween - the day I don't have to pretend
to NOT be fixated by blood.
=^_^=

--
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death
that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it
to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn
the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be
nothing. Only I will remain.

Dream rePost: 07-JAN-2008

From 11-JAN-2009:

I had a weird dream last night.

I dreamed I rode my bike to WHEN my mom was my age. There was something I wanted from a friend of hers. The thing is, the town she was in in my dream was all wrong. Cleburne, TX. I googled it. I had no idea there was such a creature. Anywho, I cot stuck there because of an "ice storm"(?) which was really weird. It was like a layer of ice so thin over everything that you wouldn't think there was anything there unless you paid attention. (Slicker than anything. I fell on my tuchas twice.)
So, while stuck there, I was staying with "my friend" (aka, Mom) and at this one part, she and her friends were talking about an up-coming basket ball game. I was a little lost and she was like, Don't you go to Cleburne [implied "High School"]?
A friend of hers was on to me, I think, and was like helping to cover for me and named a nearby school (I didn't catch the name) saying I went there.
Later in the dream, we were looking through the family shrine with Great-grandpa's WWII stuff. During this part of the dream, it felt more like Alaska. (He was stationed here) But then Mom was like confused about why I should be so interested in her family. It kinda started to spiral from there.
There was a war memorial parade in town, but is looked like the square in Fairbanks.
Just weird. There were thinks I expected to find comforting, but they were making me feel guilty.

(Two nights ago's dream was real bad though. If I never have that dream again, it will be just fine.)

Dream rePost: 07-DEC-2008

Another: 

Sorry everyone... another weird dream.

I was in a movie. (this is the dream) Not like I was an actor making a movie, the movie had come to life. It was weird, but yeah. So John Lithgow was this scientist (I think it was type casting) and he had this big biotech breakthrough but the government was not listening to him and he couldn't get funding/approvals/clearance and stuff. So, there were actors playing all the would-be real life roles and whatnot, but I cannot remember most of them... like I have seen them on like tv and whatnot, but I cannot think of what shows or who they are and stuff. Except Fred Dalton Thompson was secretary of state and a young Woody Allen was John Lithgow's chief advisor.
Here was the weird part again. I was their driver! I am terrified of driving. But so I was with them everywhere and listened to everything everyone was saying and I kinda got to believe in the guy adn what he was saying.

Then it got grey and fuzzy and went back to the same old nuclear holocaust and everyone burning and me waking up screaming and I couldn't remember much of the first part of the dream.

I mean, except for me driving, I think it is not much of a stretch for why I would have dreams about biotech field breakthroughs, but driving? Why does it have to be driving.

Sigh

Take care, all.

Dream rePost: 06-OCT-2008

Okay, this was was older than the one I just posted my a month.  I had this dram the morning of 06-OCT-2008.

Last nights dream was so flippin weird. I'm in the shower, right, and I hear the phone ringing. So I open the curtain and I am in this attic like room. I start to get distracted with figuring out when this room was added, and the phone rings again. I don't know where in the house I am, and I need to get to the phone. There is this badger walking in the direction the of the ringing, so I follow. We are in a corridor and there are like spiders running back and forth, up and down the way. There are open rooms on either side. There are windows, but they, like everything else, are grimy and dark, blocking the light. It's hot. The phone rings again and I'm following the badger again, careful not to step on the spiders. We pass a room with a moose. It winks at me. I wave. This seems a little... odd.
The phone rings again. I am like sure I need to get it. Like I can tell from the ring that it is an emergency. The badger starts going down these stairs, so I follow, thinking "of course... we don't have an upstairs, so why would there be a phone up here?"
So we get to this landing that is like 3 steps from the floor, but there is this like sliding glass door. It's closed and I can't get it open. I can hear the phone and it is getting hotter. I'm like all in a panic and stuff and I realize the upstairs was on fire. I start banging on the glass door, trying to break it. The fire sweeps down the stairs I am trapped and well...

So I wake up wondering what happened to the moose.
Take care, and, as always, thanks!

Dream rePost: 06-NOV-2008

This was a dream that I originally posted on 06NOV2008.  I am not really sure _why_ I have decided to re-post these dreams here, but I have, and I plan on putting new ones here too, as appropriate.

I had this really weird dream. There were a ton of bizarre elements. First, I was driving. This was odd because it is something that I have never done before. The car was this big old Cutlass and I was really intimidated by driving - like it always looks so simple to see everyone else do it, but like I wasn't straightening the wheel soon enough or smoothly enough so it was all like jerky. Then, I was dropping from the "bypass" level to the "access" level which is ground level, and you have to go to "hover" to change levels. Well, I got nervous and gave it too much break too soon and the big heavy car drops like 20 ft to the ground. The car still worked after that, but th ehover was broken. The hover drive was working, but the actuator was broken. The actuator broke at the PCB so I could not just fix it because it's like a 3 layer sandwich. The arm is needed control the driver board that energizes the nano-lattice actuator rods that engage the hover drive. The nano-lattice is like a scissor-arm action bundle of molecules that, by way of a polarization, make a metal rod (in this case, two) extend by like 400%.
So I go to the plaza to buy a new PCB to repair the driver module. Then I go to the library because I have time to kill. Car forgotten in that way that things go in dreams, I see Colin Powell go by in a powered wheelchair with his nurse by his side (he was way older than he is now). He was making an appearance there in the plaza so I went out to hear him talk and stuff.
It was really weird. I had like long hair and stuff too (shoulder length). The colors were weird. Odd shades of blue, green and pink here are there - somewhere between sherbert and pastel. I jotted down the key points, but the in between strange attractors are fading.

But it was not a bad dream. There were frustrations and stress, but no where near being eaten by wolves or burning in an attic, or... etc, etc...

Hope you are good.
Take care.

Another one of these question thingies

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
"them from the folder, letting her know that she should've done"
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you reach?
Stack of CDRW & DVDRW's: Win7 RC 64bit dvd, various Linux Mind iso's,
Zenwalk, Slackware.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Gotta think back here... An old Iron Chef America. Well, part of it, anyway.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
Maybe 05:15
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
05:06 pffffft. I was never good at that.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
I think Dad is getting ready for work.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Around 02:30... I must have been checking on the snow. I don't
remember stepping out, but it was cold, so I went back in.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Fencing.net. There was a foil question. I made a joke.
9. What are you wearing?
Niteshirt, leggings and a knit cap.
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes. Data tables. It was weird.
11. When did you last laugh? What EXACTLY were you laughing at?
As seldom as this happens, one would think that the events would stand
out in my mind. But it is a little on the rotten side, so I guess it
is to be expected.
12. What are on the walls of the room you are in?
Not much. a poster and a calendar.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
I try to avoid mirrors.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
The jury is still out on it.
15. What is the last film you saw?
Um... that Transformers 2 film. saw, but did not watch.
16. If you became a multi-billionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I... am having a hard time with this one. I think I would buy land
for a wildlife sanctuary.
17. Tell me something about you that I don't know about?
More people have seen me nekkid than I am rightly comfortable with,
but I could say the same if that number was 1.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt
or politics, what would you do?
Get rid of guilt and politics.
19. Do you like to dance?
No, but it happens sometimes. Most embarrassing.
20. George Bush:
NASCAR, right?
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
There is a good possibility that she would grow up with me calling her
'Hey, you" no matter what she gets named.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Uh, see above, :%s/she/he/g
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
If the need arose, but I like it here. Does Canada count? Then maybe
somewhere in Scandinavia.
24. What will God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
I do not think we are on speaking terms.
25. Song that's playing?
Information Society: Slipping Away

One of those question thingies.

Okay, I see these things going around from time to time but I never do
them... til now.
1. Do you sleep in your bra?
nope.
2. Do you enjoy drama?:
I don't think so.
3. Are you a girly girl?:
I have my days, but not like real girlie girls are.
4. Who was the last person you hugged?:
Well, it was Dad, but I have 'touching' issues, so even that does not
happen much.
5. Small or large purses?:
Backpack, but it is small.
6. Are you short?:
yep
7. Do you like somebody:
people, in general, are not my favourite creatures on this marble, but
there are a few that are dear to me.
8. What would you do if someone smacked your butt?:
Probably panic. (see "touching" issues)
9. Do you care if your socks are dirty?:
Mercy, yes. That is a must.
10. Do you dress up on Halloween?:
Again, mercy, yes!
11. Are you double jointed?:
uh, no.
12. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?:
Fencing salle.
Not that I _started_ there, but I have woken up on the kitchen stove.
(Sheet wrinkles have nothing on burner impressions.)
13. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?:
Nope
14. Is there of rumor going around about you?:
I have heard a few. :( But what can you do, eh? Under the
circumstances, it is to be expected.
15. Do you call anybody by their last name?:
Only if preceded by 'Coach'
16. How many guys will read this just because it says "Girl Confessions"?
Is it? It wasn't then it came to me.
"X" Marks the Spot:
[X] I do wear make up. (Well, eye-liner, but not all that often.)
[X] I have cried at a movie theater. (Hey, I have cried just about
anywhere.)
[ ] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth. (I suppose I
could. I do most things with my mouth closed.)
[ ] I get jealous.
[ ] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[ ] I love to laugh. (I don't know... I think things are funny and
people don't think I do because I don't laugh or smile or stuff. I
don't not do it on purpose, it just kinda happens that way.)
[X] I like death/grind/black metal. (Some... not as a rule)
[X] I like rap. (Some... not as a rule)
[X] I like country (Some... not as a rule... see a trend?)
[ ] I carry a purse. (Backpack)
[ ] I'd be lost without my computer. (Or... I'd rather not find out.)
[ ] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[ ] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[ ] I own a boy band CD. (Metallica is all boys, right?)
[X] I get bored watching football. (Same with _most_ sports)
[ ] I've never been called a spoiled brat. (Hahahahahaaahhahahahahahahaha)
[X] Guys are confusing. (I don't know, maybe not.)
[X] I've been called a bad influence. (Again... Hahahahahahahaha...)
[ ] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.
Come on ladies, be truthful!
1. What color is your bra that your wearing?:
purple.
2. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?:
hmm, depends. in general, as dark as possible, but some lighter-haired
guys work too.
3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?:
One?
4. Do you have a best friend(s)?:
I'm... yeah. Yeah, I do, by Jones. Of late, for the first time in my
life, I have a best friend that is not a family member.
5. Have you ever had your heart broken?:
That would be a yes there good buddy.
6. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?:
No. Well, I have - due to some accidents - but in not in the spirit
of the question, eh?
7. Do you like your life?:
Not on the whole. Just waiting for it to be over. (But not in a
whiny "emo" way.)
8. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boyfriend from you?:
No one can steal what you never had.
9. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?:
Oh, mercy. I get nervous just reading the question.
10. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?:
Hmmm.... Older, boys, same age, girls.
11. How long have you had Facebook?:
A whatbook?
12. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?:
No... I couldn't hit someone. I - no, we'll leave it at that.
13. What are your biggest fears?:
Water, being touched, touching... and getting to be off-put by cows, thanks to some recurring dream themes. And Youtube.  That thing just freaks me out totally.  "Yes, Doc, I have a deep fear of YouTube."  "A fear of WHAT?" "You know, that video site." "Yeah, I know the site, but that is just a website."  "Oh, no it isn't.  It will get me.  I get the heebie-jeebies just seeing the word.  ...and talking about it creaping me out, thank you very much."
    --- okay, thanks for oversharing
14. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?:
Yep.
15. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?:
What? Sorry, I was thinking of someone else.
16. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater"?:
Meh. More like once evil, always evil.
17. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?:
Yep.
18. Do you ever wish you were famous?:
No. I mean, really no. Not just "No, I don't want to be famous." but
more like, "I want to NOT be famous."
19. Are you currently missing someone?:
Mercy, yes. And I hope it is mutual, but I don't think I have to
worry about that.
This guy or that guy? Pick one.
Punk/Goth or Gangster?:
Punk/Goth
Preppy or Cowboy?:
Cowboy
Face or Body?:
Face. Oh, mercy please, face.
Sweet or Sexy?:
Definitely sweet.
Well-educated or Dropout?:
Educated. Or at least, intellectual.
Armani or Abercrombie?:
Amberwhatie?
City-slicker or Rural Guy?:
Meh... if the above apply, it doesn't matter.
Blue, green, grey, or brown eyes?:
Depends on the hair, but general all-round, I'd say grey.
Contacts or Glasses?:
Meh.
More Questions.
01. Eyeliner or Mascara?:
Are these for us, or the guys still?
Eyeliner.
02. Louis Vuitton or Dooney & Bourke?:
Vuitiibourk-cha-ma-call-it. I have no idea.
04. Skirts or pants?:
Skirts 'round the house. 'specially in Summer.
05. Socks or leggings?:
Leggings with skirts. Socks with either.
06. Hoodies or jackets?:
Jackets
07. Heels or sneakers?:
Converse all-star hi-tops. Or Doc Martins. If there are heels
involved, there better be a very good reason.
08. Straight or curly hair?:
Straight, if any.
09. Hoop or dangling earrings?:
Hoops, but they are very small.
10. White or black?:
Both? So, grey?
11. Victoria's Secret or Bath and Body Works?:
Bath and Body Works. Vicki can keep her secret.
12. Smoothies or lattes?:
:( Prefer latte, but alas, I am limited to smoothies.
13. Diet or regular sodas?:
Neither.
15. Pearls or diamonds?:
Pearls are weird.
16. Vintage or boho?:
What's boho?
17. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?:
What? are we sure there are two?
18. Lindsay or Hilary?:
What? are we sure there are two?
19. Ipod or cell phone?:
Ipod, I guess. Or just whatever mp3 player. Or, gimme my laptop.
20. Friends or family?:
Family, mostly.
21. Lip gloss or lip stick?:
Gloss. Well, balm, more like.
22. Manicure or pedicure?:
Both, but I'll do 'em my self, thank you.
23. Tiffany's or Chanel?:
Pffft.
24. Love or peace?:
Peace.
25. Sunglasses or purses?:
Sunglasses... and my backpack.

In a girl or guy...
Funny or Serious?:
Funny
Romantic or Daredevil?:
Neither... can we go back to Funny?
Cute or Hot?:
Cute. "Hot" would freak me out.
Dark Eyes or Light Eyes?:
Depends on the hair.
Long Hair or Short Hair?:
Short.
Curly Hair or Straight Hair?:
Short enough not to matter.
Clean-cut or Rough?:
Doesn't matter.
Good Dancer or Good Singer?:
Singer?
Basketball Player or Football Player?:
Hockey? I can't say fencer.
Jock or Rebel?:
Not a rebel. Into fitness is good, but noting obsessive.
Smoker or Non-smoker?:
Non-smoker. Oh, mercy, non.
Druggie or Clean?:
Clean. pfft. Oh, mercy, clean. Why is that even on here?
Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?:
Hm... depends on the time of year. Snowmobile?
Beard/Mustache or Clean-shaven?
Depends on the overall affect. It is not like it is going to get near
me, but clean-shaven would likely be the winner there.
Younger or Older?:
Like the facial hair, but a little older and more mature, I suppose.
Player or Loyal?:
Are you NUTS? You are, aren't you. Like, "Oh, yeah, baby. I wanna
be used and dumped. Oh that turns me on." ..... NOT.

Clearing one bad dream to make room for the next

So...
Freaky weird bad dream (nothing new there) and I thought I would clear my head to make room for the next.
I don't really remember it well - the bulk of it - just running, being chased and whatnot. There was like, the sun low on the horizon, and a field of like wheat or grain or something. This was really unfamiliar to me. I was running with someone else, like we were both being chased. I remember not being afraid, but the other girl running... the sun was shining through the wheat, and through her hair and they were like the same colour. That stands out in my mind. Oh, and the look of absolute terror on her face.

Sometimes I really wish I could draw so I could capture some of these images.

Bllllaaaaaaccccchhhh......
Just one of those kinda days today.
Been feeling bad.
Been away from computer, just kinda "phoning this one in" - sort of thing.
Meh.
I was just informed that it is almost time for dinner.
Pitty.

Oh well.
Take Care
LQ

Last Fifteen tracks played by Amarok

Last Fifteen tracks played by Amarok:
Artist - Album: track - Title (year, genre, time)
1) Information Society - Hack: 3 - Think/wenn Wellen Schwingen (0, Unknown, 5:5)
2) Love & Rockets - Seventh Dream Of Teenage Heaven: 8 - Haunted When The Minutes Drag (0, Unknown, 8:1)
3) Simple Minds - Modern Rock: 1984-1985: 7 - Alive And Kicking (1985, General Classic Pop-Rock, 5:26)
4) God Lives Underwater - Johnny Mnemonic: 7 - No More Love (1995, Film Soundtrack, 4:18)
5) The Fratellis - Costello Music: 9 - Vince The Lovable Stoner (2006, , 3:14)
6) Dale Bozzio & Missing Persons - A Tribute To Madonna: Virgin Voices: 5 - Into The Groove [meeks Remix] (2005, Tribute -
Gothic, 4:53)
7) Stray Cats - The Best Of The Stray Cats: 12 - (she's) Sexy + 17 (1983, General Pop, 3:15)
8) Love & Rockets - Earth Sun Moon: 4 - No New Tale To Tell (0, Unknown, 3:27)
9) Love & Rockets - Hot Trip To Heaven: 4 - This Heaven (0, Unknown, 7:9)
10) Weird Al Yankovic - Singles: 7 - Spy Hard (2007,Comedy, 2:49)
11) Too Much Joy - Son Of Sam I Am: 0 - My Past Lives (1990, , 4:0)
12) They Might Be Giants - Mink Car: 4 - Mr Xcitement (0, Unknown, 3:36)
13) KT Tunstall - Eye To The Telescope: 10 - Stoppin The Love (2005, General Pop, 4:2)
14) Kaiser Chiefs - Off With Their Heads: 3 - Like It Too Much (2008, Indie, 3:23)
15) Michelle Crispin - A Tribute To Madonna: Virgin Voices: 7 - Love Don't Live Here Anymore (2005, Tribute - Gothic, 4:47)

If prophetic

If my dreams are prophetic, which I hope to mercy they are not, I must
be due for another change up in my meds.
I really do not like that. It messes with my head.
Ugh.

But, oh, well, eh?

So, yeah, in the dream, they had decided to try me out on a new
product. Or was that 'try out a new product on me' - whatever, the
product was not so much experimental on its own, just the
giving-it-to-me part. So, then my friend who drove me to the
pharmacy, while I am waiting on the pharmacist, says in this distant
and lonely voice, "Okay, I am going to get... [whatever - it was at a
store down the road. We were supposed to go there together because I
needed things there too]" and she aged like 50 years right there. I
mean, like she was still pretty and still looked like herself and it
wasn't scary; just lonely and sad.

I woke up. I was on Dad's bathroom counter. I wend back to bed and
tried to sleep for a while.

Anywho,
Take Care-
LQ

Book Report: Trading in Danger by Elizabeth Moon

Book Report:
===================================================
Trading in Danger by Elizabeth Moon
Pseudo military, pseudo sci-fi adventure thriller hurls Kylara Vatta into predicaments that would challenge the most seasoned of trade veterans. But a novice space freight captain, Ky must prove herself apt in matters of business, trading, hostage negotiation, public relations, finance and military intelligence on an off the charts voyage past the brink of civilized somethingorother.

Protagonists:
--Kylara "Ky" Vatta
--Glennys Jones (Her ship)
--The crew of the Glennys Jones
--The infamous aunt's fruitcake
Antagonists:
--Fate/luck/karma
--herself
--kinda kidding about that... read on.

There is a vague ruse plot device to get Ky kicked out of military academy sufficient for us, the audience, to have nothing to hold against her while understanding that the bridge is burned and that path is over. It also creates a reasonable justification for her to be set out on her assignment.
Ky is the only daughter of the reining generation of the Vatta space trading dynasty. She shocks the family by NOT wanting to pursue the family business, but with all of the older mails in the family, we feel no need to hold that against her. Her expulsion from academy, again is more embarrassing than truly damaging so she holds to her "can do no wrong" image thus far.
In all fairness, her actions are all reasonable and believable. Se behaves sensibly for a person with her background and with careful consideration of the thoughts and motives of the key players in the big picture.
There are times when she is, for lack of a better word, blind-sided by events and whatnot, although these things only happened within the scope of the known unknown. That is... I know this will be a problem, but I know I cannot predict what kind of problem so I just need to be ready for whatever.
Except where boys are concerned. The motivators of the male mind are enigmatic to her because the does not consider that the M/F thing is a factor to them.
Ky is portrayed with, in my opinion, a reasonable image of self which is often lacking in female protagonists. "How so?" Well, in a lot of 'girl books' they often either undervalue their own physical appearance because they run around "gee, I don't understand why ALLLLL the guys are falling over themselves around me." listen up... if the guy does not know you, but is paying you "that much" attention, then 1) you are so hot that he abandon's better judgment to try and get in your pants, or 2) is under the impression that you are so easy that he abandon's better judgment to try and get in your pants when in all reality, it is most likely C) get over yourself... he does that to everyone; you are not that special.
OR, they have a skewed assessment of their ability. Ky is not like Mrs Granger "Oh, mercy me! That is so much harder than I can do! I couldn't possibly live up to that!" then presto - without breaking a sweat - the universe is saved. "Oh, Yippie Yippie! I did it! Everybody look at me!"
So I forgive the way some things work out a little on the convenient side because it is believable that people want to help her. (Obvious McCaffery influences here.)
So There you have Ky.
I love her ship. It is not presented with character, but I read a bit into it. (Mercy - I used the word 'love'. I thing that was the second time this week. I better watch myself.) More on that later.
Okay, so Mama Vatta wants her only daughter to be all domestic and maternal and - well - just so, you know? Pappa Vatta, with a bunch of sons leading the way, understands the little rebel in her.
So, she has to take an old, outdated, no-can-upgrade-to-corporate-standard ship from their home world, to be decommissioned and sold for scrap. While it is going that way anyway, the send it out full of cargo with destinations along the way. (Never missing a good business opportunity is a recurring thing in here - but in a good way.) So, after her first stop, and thus clearing a little room in her hold, She gets another opportunity. Eager to 'do good' and prove herself capable, she takes the job to 1) make a little money, 2) promote the company name and image (because this is like really playing a bit of a hero taking a job no one else will) 3) Assert her command a little.
No, I am not going into the whole story here but...
It is not a simple as it should be. Company A is buying from B but is not paying until delivery, so transport V has to front the money. Captain K is showing she is a big girl and not just playing with "daddy's money" (there is some risk, after all) (and she is afraid of him refusing to let her deviate from the scheduled itinerary) so she is funding this herself and doing it as an "independent". Naturally, this one, simple, and reasonable, little detail creates more than the expected amount of havoc.
She gets bystander'd into a civil war; a mercenary, uhm, raid(?) (So, what exactly were they doing there?) and a tangle with the space-age-whatever-year-this-is equivalent of Ma Bell. (Firefly influence, me thinketh.)
This was a really good read. I hope to pick up the next one before long.

If you made it this far - thanks. If not, well, thanks for trying.

Book Report: Sleep, Pale Sister by Joanne Harris

Book Report:
===================================================
Sleep, Pale Sister by Joanne Harris
In this psychotic ghost story, Harris spins a tale from the prospective of each of the 4 primary messed up pro/antagonists.  It takes place in what I would described as a nebulous of time around the waning of the Victorian era in the industrializing London.

-Henry Chester
-Effilia (Effi) Chester/Martha
-Fanny Miller
-Moses Harper

Henry is disturbed old man with Oedipal haunts that set in motion the destruction of the lives of everyone around him.
Effi is his wife and his lover, but he does not know they are the same person.
Henry issues probably began from a precocious adolescent slant on the preachings of his Oxford minister father.  This may be most apparent in the metaphoric narration he provides of his life.  He is insanely melodramatic in the most mundane of events.  Like me.  Just kidding.
It is never clear who we are as the reader/audience because while the voice changes as if we are listening to each person's personal account of the events, it is not possible for the tale to have been told in the time line presented.  That is, the story tellers, by nature of the events in the story, cannot be where they were, when they were, to have told the story in the manor in which it was delivered.  It is like this... If each person sat down at a particular point in time with an interviewer, and then, many years later when all of the interviews were collected, they were edited into an interlaced time line of the combined events, who would we be as the reader?  It is okay, but I kept waiting to find out who I was and what these otherwise trivial people were to me.
So, back to the story...
Henry, despite have a minister for a father, is independently wealthy.  Either his father was crooked, or was independently wealthy himself and was indeed a pious man and able to pass everything on to Henry.  Henry was a painter, but apparently not really very good.  He had a Nabokovian proclivity for little girls.  In his sick and twisted way, he grooms a young model of his from when she is 10 until she it 17 and marries her.
So, we hear from Effi and her tortuous relationship with Mr. Chester as she is required to address him.  Once it is apparent that she may actually enjoy the marital, obligatory, procreative act, she falls out of favor with Henry.  Did I mention he was nuts?  So he gets her hooked on opiates; laudanum, cheaper in fact than gin.  Chloral is his personal drug of choice.
Moses Harper is an opportunistic ladies man.  He was the most - accidental - of everyone here and I kinda feel the most sorry for him.  Sure, he seduces poor, frail little Effi, and has a sorted history with the brothel manager Fanny.
Fanny Miller is the true orchestrator of the major events and when things do not go her way, she manages to skip out "scott free" if you will.  She always had her own agenda.  As the audience, I was never really sure how I was supposed to feel about her. 
Henry and Effi were miserable, each in their own way.  Their misery wend down hill.  Mose, as he was called, dragged into the whole thing, and [i]could[/i] have come out of everything quite pleased, but it would not have been what he wanted and I think the orchestrator new this and planned a degree of comeuppance for him all along.  And Fanny basically ended where she began, except she got to dole out two serious helpings of comeuppance.
Ghost story?  Yeah... I do not want to give everything away.

The story over all is dark and "Gothic" I suppose and it really sucked me in, but I saw the let down from far off enough to be let down gently.

I am giving it a score of nine out of fifteen.  Good imagery, but penalties for overuse of the word 'capering.'

Shelfari = Cool

Hey, I just found this Shelfari widgit.  It is cool.  I mean, I like reading, and I like letting people know what I think if what I have read. 
I have my faveourite authors, right? And so a lot if these her on my shelf today are books I "plan to read" because of who wrote them.

Yeah, I like scifi and fantacy.  I like some "chick flick" books and there are a lot more I need to put on my shelf.
Goodness, yeah... a lot more, now that I think about it.  These on here were just some of my fave authors. 

So, I will be updating what info I have on my books there, and adding in more that I have read.  I figure this will take a while.


I have some "book reports" saved on google-docs.  I should post them too.

Take Care!
LQ

Can't get the dreams out of my head

This is kinda nuts, right?
Wait, I haven't explained, yet.

Like two nights ago I was dreaming that I was joining this cult. Some
weird supposed-pseudo-militant-quasi-religious cult. There was this
back wall to the compound and while climbing over, I had this memory
of climbing over it before and coming out worse-for-wear. It was, I
don't know, weird being _in_ the dream, trying to recall this old
memory. I felt like, "This time I can do it!" but I have no idea what
the difference was supposed to be. I mean, yeah, I was climbing down
in this other spot that I was sure was going to not leave me torn up
from jagged rocks and whatnot. It seemed to take months to get over
the wall. The dream kept segueing into these "memories" like
sub-dreams in the dream trying to explain and justify to myself why I
needed to infiltrate this cult. And segments where someone was
cautioning me: "you may not be strong enough to resist their
influence," and then me thinking to myself, "So?"

When I do finally get over the wall, I take maybe a dozen steps and
black out - only to come-to all beat up, tied up, and whatnot, in this
chair in this little concrete bunker. I look around and it is like,
although I cannot see anything to justify it, I just "know" in the way
that happens in dreams, that I am directly under where I can come over
the wall, this time, and the previous attempt years ago. So, like, I
was like, "Of course they found me and things." Then I just felt this
heavy, defeated resolve.

That was when I woke up.

Key elements in the dream:
Fear
Conspiracy
Sneaking / Spying
Rocks
Woods / leaves. Mostly leaves.
Memories
Bunker
Being caught... again.
Being drugged, beat up, and... um... assaulted.

No, I am not looking for anyone to explain exactly what it meant, but
if you are reading this, fee free to share your thoughts on it.

Take Care-
LQ =^_^=

Oh, and let me explain that last post a little.
I wrote a PHP script to pull the last fifteen songs out of Amarok's
database. I post them sometimes on a form board "What are you
listening to now."

I am thinking about modifying the script to pull the list, and format
it for the blog page (html tags instead of bb tags) and e-mail it in.
I can do that. I will need to install sendmail, but yeah. Maybe I
will.

By the way, I like PHP, even though I am not very good at it.
*note: PHP is an open source scripting language and Amarok is a
really, really cool open source music player.

Last Fifteen tracks played by Amarok

Last Fifteen tracks played by Amarok:
Artist - Album: track - Title (year, genre, time)
1) The Automatic Automatic - [i]This Is A Fix[/i]: 6 - [u]In The
Mountains[/u] (2008, Rock, 3:45)
2) The Killers - [i]Hot Fuss [bonus Tracks][/i]: 10 - [u]Midnight
Show[/u] (2004, Post-Punk Revival, 4:3)
3) New Order - [i]Substance[/i]: 1 - [u]In A Lonely Place[/u] (1987,
Synth Pop, 6:16)
4) Everclear - [i]So Much For The Afterglow[/i]: 2 - [u]Everything To
Everyone[/u] (1997, Post-Grunge Alternative Rock, 3:20)
5) Heaven 17 - [i]We Will Follow: Tribute To U2[/i]: 1 - [u]With Or
Without You[/u] (1999, Tribute - Rock, 4:56)
6) The Presidents Of The United States Of America - [i]These Are The
Good Times People[/i]: 7 - [u]Ghosts Are Everywhere[/u] (2008, Rock,
4:8)
7) Real Life - [i]Lifetime[/i]: 8 - [u]Let's Start A Fire[/u] (0,
Unknown, 4:38)
8) Elvis Costello - [i]The Very Best Of Elvis Costello [disc 1][/i]:
12 - [u]Man Out Of Time[/u] (1982, Unknown, 5:26)
9) Devo - [i]Modern Rock: 1980-1981[/i]: 5 - [u]Whip It[/u] (1980,
General Classic Pop-Rock, 2:42)
10) Real Life - [i]Happy[/i]: 6 - [u]Satisfied[/u] (0, Unknown, 3:28)
11) The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - [i]Let's Face It[/i]: 9 - [u]Break
So Easy[/u] (1997, Rock, 2:45)
12) The Killers - [i]Hot Fuss [bonus Tracks][/i]: 14 - [u]Under The
Gun[/u] (2004, Post-Punk Revival, 2:33)
13) Gabriella Cilmi - [i]Lessons To Be Learned[/i]: 2 - [u]Sweet About
Me[/u] (2008, Adult Alternative Pop, 3:23)
14) The White Stripes - [i]Elephant[/i]: 7 - [u]You've Got Her In Your
Pocket[/u] (0, Unknown, 3:40)
15) Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark - [i]Dazzle Ships[/i]: 3 -
[u]Abc Auto-industry[/u] (1983, 66, 2:6)

Oh, Mercy! It has been a while

Wow, so, the last time I made an entry on my blog was shortly after my fifteenth birthday. Now, I have been sixteen for a little while now.

Okay.

What now? You may ask.
Or Not.

Here are a couple bullet points.
-I have not died. Huray for me.
-I am living with my Dad - full time.
-I am home-schooling starting this year.
-I am not insane. The conversation went something like this:
"Blah blah blah, I wouldn't call her /crazy/ blah blah blah," then I quit listening.
-I made some new friends
-I lost some friends... kinda on purpose. Just kinda walked away.
-I had my first kiss (from someone that was not family, you know) but it was 1) an ambush and 2) it was from a girl. She was 1) lucky she did not get punched (I am not a punching sort of person) 2) She did not get invited to do it again. (But I was flattered.) (No Katy Perry references, please.)
-I had a couple guys fight over me, but 1) not "fight" exactly 2) neither won, so to speak.
-I, on another blog, went through a series of "quizzes" about a number of different subjects. (two is a number)
-I made a killer bread pudding.
-I kinda like did the "365" thing and proved that I do not have the blog-post discipline to keep it up.
-I drove a car for the first time. It was on a closed course. But I did it.
-It has been determined that the risk of me blacking out, or "locking up" under stress is significant enough that I will not likely get a driver's license.
-I actually have posted a number of "Top Fifteen" lists on that other blog. I am thinking about porting some of my faves over here.
-Dad did get a kind of girlfriend of sorts. Nothing serious, but I am still hoping for the best.

Lets see, was that Fifteen? Yeah, I think so. Hmm.

That's all for now, I guess.

Take Care-
LQ